Why am I so needy?

      In life it seems like we are always stumbling from one crisis to the next.  Even if there is nothing really "wrong" or threatening, somehow there is always a negative that we can choose to obsess over.  As I meditate and do more yoga, body and mind awareness becomes second nature.  What this means expressed in the life I'm living, is that I've begun to notice I seem to be needy all the time.
      Now, I'm sure it's not a new pattern, but I've been pretty self-critical about it.  I mean, really, isn't this something one gets over?  The good news is, according to Abraham Maslow in The Maslow Business Reader , no, I'll never get over it.  Needing is the human condition.
       Somehow when I learned all of this in leadership classes, I missed the part that said to exist is to desire more and better (or more likely, I just applied this to others, not myself).  Maslow states "...when a need is fairly well satisfied, the next prepotent ("higher") need emerges in turn to dominate the conscious life and to serve as the center of organization of behavior, since gratified needs are not active motivators  Thus, man is a perpetually wanting animal."  To restate simply, there is always going to be the next need. Those are the words of divine freedom.
   Even the yogic practice of vairagya or non-attachment (learning to let go of the many attachments, aversions, fears, and false identities that are clouding the true Self) is in pursuit of our need for self-actualization.  I guess it's not just me after all.

Weed On! or, an interesting meditation I learned while on hands and knees in my garden

Spring...
     I just love it. From the gentle warmth to the rains bringing such beautiful flowers.  With these flowers, though, come the weeds. This year my gardens are full of a wild mustard (see that bright green river of growth, that filled the entire cleared area below and the black 25 gallon container is the 4th I have filled this week!).  How to turn all of this time to good use for my soul?
     For me, this year has been like the children's book What good luck! What bad luck!  It has been filled with both great blessings and great trials.  As the most recent trial began I realized that I had run out of emotional stability about one challenge ago.  Through the months I have turned to yoga and meditation for peace (when I remembered to) and used reiki to remove the blocks around the present challenge, but I never got to the root of the problem, the way I allow the world and events to change my emotional state.  Having a passing irritation or moment of anger is fine, but it is not a place to remain.
     If my goal is emotional stability, the ability to change "I am angry" to "I am feeling angry," how do I do it in this moment, on my hands and knees in the garden? I decided it was time to watch the thoughts like clouds in a summer sky.  Each thought I would name, describing the texture, just like saying 'this cloud looks like a dog or a dragon.'
    The results shocked me.  I couldn't believe how many of my thoughts were negative, from irritation at the kids across the street who were trash talking while playing basketball (in other words, being teenage boys) to  negative observations about the world.  What was interesting is none of the negatives were about the 'drudgery' of weeding.  Being truly present to the day was very peaceful, commenting on the day was actively upsetting.
   I began an interesting practice.  When a thought would come up, I would mentally set it on a hot rock in the sun and let it evaporate like a drop of water.  It felt gentle and loving and also gave my mind a positive, warm, strong place to relax.  The interesting thing is I no longer noticed the boys across the street at all. after all, I love teenage boys having raised two and adopted several others as children of the heart.
    So here is my challenge to you.  Sometime when you are doing something mindless like weeding, washing dishes or driving to a familiar place, begin to notice your thoughts.  Characterize them, maybe by something as simple as positive or negative.  After this becomes easy, set the thought somewhere warm and loving and let it evaporate.  Welcome the present into your life.  Namaste

Create the world you want to live in

   "With our thoughts we create the world..."  Turns out the Buddha was right, who knew?
     Last week we were out on the East Coast for a funeral and decided to drive straight through all night to get home (I needed to hug my cat).  My husband and I each took turns driving for an hour, then dozing for an hour.  This meant that I had nearly four hours of complete quiet to think, both a good and a bad thing.  I love the quiet, but driving through the night in hilly Pennsylvania and West Virginia is not for the faint at heart.  Add to this my lack of depth perception and I expected to be hyperventilating all night.
     I have been doing a lot of meditation recently, and decided to "test drive" the idea that I create my own world rather than just reacting to stimulus.  The outside world would not change.  I'd still be on the turnpike, but I'd change how I felt about the whole experience.
      As I said before, my eyes are not the best so driving by trucks and the constant glare from all of the reflectors along the road always makes me nervous.  Am I going to hit something? Are they going to hit me? Sure hope not.  The change I made was to decide that the truck drivers were professionals and they were going to guide me through the twists and turns of the road.  The reflectors were kind guides, pointing the way the road was going.  It was saying "I'm in God" rather than pleading "God please help me."
     As I thought these thoughts my shoulders would drop, my back and legs relax, and I had a feeling I can only describe as "freshness."  When my mind wandered, the shoulders would creep up, the fears kick in strongly and the adrenaline would flood my body.  It was remarkable.  Such a good way to practice mindfulness.
     So, next time you have something you fear, see if you can find a way to make it kind. Imagine the whole world is arranged just to support you.  It's a great place to be.

The Power of Loving Kindness

   Some days life is amazing.  It gives you a challenge you think that you can't overcome, and yet somehow you do.  Or you are faced with a situation that a few years (or even months) ago would have crushed your spirit, but here you are doing okay.
    Today was that day.  To the left is my Facebook post.  "Be careful with  your words.  Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten."   In a true stroke of irony, this was the post that pushed one of my long time acquaintances over the edge. There were several comments, one of which was to persuade all of the people who read it that both yoga and reiki are hoaxes, if not evil.
     We all get to have our own opinions, but not on my professional page (she said indignantly).  With the first comment, I worked through with loving kindness, using my favorite prayer-" Dear X,
I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you."  This prayer acknowledges that in any relationship (or cyber quarrel) there are two parties.  It lets me take responsibility for my half of the relationship and heal myself.  I was doing okay, maybe patting myself on the back.

 Unfortunately, there were four more comments to follow.  Let's just say that all of the sudden I realized I was hyperventilating, felt wounded and misunderstood.  In that instant I had a divine "teaching moment."  It was like God had reached down and rearranged my mind.  If the statements were hurtful, it revealed some underlying uncertainty in my mind, some need for validation from an outside source.
     After spending some time rolling around in my hurt, because I needed to walk through it rather than sweep it under the carpet, I have come to realize what a gift this is.  I know where I need to work on myself.  Even more it revealed the power of this prayer for healing.  There was no need to run away from the situation, but rather to pray my way through it.  I hope that this experience is as great a blessing to the one who sent the messages.

Wristopia: Yoga for recovery after wrist surgery

                 “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  What an annoying statement.  At yoga class this Tuesday, we didn’t just make lemonade, we made lemon meringue pie!  One of my students is having significant wrist surgery soon, so we spent the class working on developing a practice for him post surgery.

                What was so interesting was how much more difficult and intense the practice is.  Changing downward dog to dolphin and standing up without using your hands is a wonderful challenge.  We actually ended class early (a half hour of savasana seemed a bit excessive).

                Removing the bend in the wrist from these poses puts a lot more emphasis on shoulder opening, so if you use the practice below, make sure you do all of the breathing and warm ups at the beginning to get the shoulders nice and warm.  It may feel excessive at first; just persevere, the challenges are coming to you. The first time through the modified sun salutation, give each pose several breaths. And now we are off…

“Wrist-less” Yoga

Stand on your mat in tadasana (mountain)  and begin to notice your breath

As you get a feel for the breath, begin to move your arms with it

                Inhale arms overhead, exhale arms down

Continue for 2 rounds

Continue arms for 3 rounds adding as you inhale up, let your heart rise and open, as you exhale allow the ribs to relax down

Add your mantra for 5 more rounds (inhale “So,” exhale “Hum”)

Inhale arms up overhead, grab your right forearm with your left hand, pull up and, exhaling, lean to your left

Inhale to upright, exhale arms down

Inhale arms up overhead, grab your left forearm with your right hand, pulling up, exhale lean right

Inhale to upright, exhale arms down

Continue for 2 more rounds

Add your mantra for 3 more rounds

Step your feet to the width of your mat, parallel through the second toe

Inhale arms up into eagle pose arms (stack right on top of left with elbows bent, wrap forearms or grab shoulders)

Bend knees and exhale, forward bend

Stretch from side to side, hanging out down here for a while

Repeat with the arms stacked the other way

cat in dolphin pose from here

Come to tadasana about two feet back from the front of your mat.

Inhale arms and heart rises, exhale forward bend, leaving hands off mat

Fold down to your knees or come down one knee at a time

Drawing abs in firmly, come down to your elbows, one at a time (make a big “C” shape with your back)

Walk feet back to dolphin, bend the knees deeply, stretch hips from side to side

Settle into dolphin for 3 breaths

Exhaling, walk feet back to low plank

Inhaling, roll body forward into sphinx (on elbows, chest open, gaze ahead, with the body along the floor)

Exhale back into child’s pose with arms in front

Inhale, rise up to dolphin

Exhale, walk feet in, drawing abs in, coming back to knees and forearms (make a big “C” shape with your back)

Come up to your knees, roll over toes up to standing or rise up one knee at a time

Repeat 2 more times

Finish with a few standing poses and 5 minutes of savasana.

Let's Go to the Mat

I've been thinking a lot recently on the benefits of yoga and meditation, started a couple of posts that completely fizzled, but yesterday found something perfect. From How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist, here is exactly what I've been trying to write. (He approaches the subject from the perspective of meditation because that is what the whole book is about.)

Exercise can even be viewed as a form of meditation because it involves sustained concentration and a deliberate regulation of body movements and breathing.  Studies have even shown that it enhances relaxation and spiritual well-being.

Vigorous stretching, such as yoga, also does wonders for both your body and your brain.  yoga has similar cognitive benefits to other forms of contemplative meditation, and in a recent meta-analysis of 813 meditation studies, the researchers stated that yoga was as beneficial s exercise.  It can lower the risk of cardiovascular disease, help control the symptoms of diabetes, lessen the severity of menopausal symptoms, reduce chronic back pain, and prevent the onslaught of migraine headaches. 

In a study conducted in 2007, researchers at the Boston University School of Medicine found that levels of the neurotransmitter GABA increase after a single sixty-minute yoga session.  Since people who suffer from depression and anxiety disorders have low levels of GABA, yoga exercise is a valid modality for improving psychological mood.  It's even been found to reduce the symptoms of schizophrenia.  Research has also show that a few weeks of yoga training enhances a wide range of cognitive skills in children and adults.

Talk about a million reasons to go to the mat every day.  See you there.

 

 

Open Your Heart

    Yesterday was amazing- both informative and transformative.  It all began in the church basement.  I have taught the yoga class there for over 9 years.  One would think that by now it would be routine.  This Tuesday was anything but routine.
      Upstairs in church there was a 6 year old girl's funeral.  Our church has been praying for her for months.  I gave it a lot of thought; how to reconcile the two, death and healing.  I had thoughts, but no coherent plans.  On the way over I received a call from a student who had arrived very early. Some of the people who were preparing for the reception after the funeral had expressed concern at the lack of respect holding a yoga class would have for the funeral above.  This balance, however, is one of the great skills of living.  How to be present and have life in the middle of awful things.  The world is always with us; how to be of the world, yet not in it.
       Before we began class, we set a few guidelines for the length of class (it would be shorter) and the least conspicuous way to exit the building (so a bunch of ladies in workout clothes carrying yoga mats would not disrupt the reception).  All of these things worked out well. We left the building just as the service was ending, but this was not the important part.  What was amazing was the powerful impact this shortened class had.
        Recently I have been experimenting with using the breath to let me know which aspects of my body are holding tension, where should I target my practice.  Let's begin.  Stand comfortably with your eyes closed.  Take a deep breath.  Without exhaling, breathe in some more and if possible a little more.  Notice where your feel tension in your body, then let all that air out in one long slow exhale. The part of the body where you are holding the most tension feels all jammed up as you try to bring more air into a full body.  This exercise feels different every time it is done.  Watching a class full of people perform it, give the teacher a strong idea of how to structure the upcoming class.
        Tuesday morning the tension was in everyone's upper chest.  Given the stress of the funeral and shorter time span, I put together a very different class.  If you'd like to try it out, here is a link to a 20 minute version.  Let's just say, the class was unique enough  that I wasn't sure how effective it was.  Did the heart openers work, and would they hold over after the students left?
        My question was answered on my way home.  Now, a class is much less physically powerful for the teacher than the student, because the teacher is focused outward on demonstration and her students, but I found a huge change had taken place in myself.  On my way home I had to stop at the grocery store because I was completely out of produce.  As I walked around the store, I noticed something strange. People kept staring at me in the face,  like they knew me and expected me to talk with them.
        Now I'm not talking about the produce manager or all of the people who work the checkout lanes; those are people I know well and we talk all the time.  These were people I had never met before.  a Japanese man, an Indian woman, a mother with small kids, the man picking up salt for his driveway (in anticipation of the "white death").  They all seemed to expect me to address them.  I had never realized how "in my own world" I was when I shopped.  Turns out when my heart is open and I am looking around, everyone I met wanted in on the joy.
       This phenomena was well described in How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist.  "As many studies have shown, the more compassionate we become, the more generous those around us become... Thus, when we treat others with kindness and respect (in my case, just noticing that they were there), even those who hold different beliefs will respond in kind.  An upward spiral is created that stimulates the anterior cingulate, a crucial part of the true heart ans soul of the brain."  He calls it "reciprocal altruism."  Noticing my neighbor allowed them to notice me as well.  It was a great shopping trip.