Be Yourself, cont.

                One last thought from the “I sure have not done enough with my life” whine fest.  God keeps sending messages.  Yesterday I went to the library to pick up a book for my son and found that a friend who works there had reserved a book for me, Sister Theresa: the Woman Who Became Saint Theresa of Avila.  He thought I might appreciate it and rightly so. 

                I couldn’t put the book down.  There were so many ways to enjoy it. Most importantly, it slammed the door on my inner complaint department.  At one point in the novel, Saint Teresa is depressed.  She says “… now He seems to have forgotten me.  Don’t you ever feel that way, Angelica?  Like God has abandoned you?”  Her companion answers, “You can’t force God’s hand.  Leave things alone for a little while.  Don’t try to do God’s work for Him, Theresa.  God knows what He’s doing.  Leave things to Him.”   With those lovely thoughts, I leave you with hopes for days of restful, peaceful good work, leaving worry over results in His hands.

Be Yourself

                As I’m sure many people also feel, doing my taxes was wildly depressing.  In quantifying and categorizing all that I spent and all that I received for my business, I felt like a failure.  How could I be in business for 4 years and not understand business?  Everyone leaves a reiki session with such great feelings and positive messages, how could I still be such a beginner in the financial realm?

                I prayed and soul searched, but was so loud in my longings I was never quiet enough to hear God speak. Sometimes when one persistently misses the point, God arranges things so it cannot possibly be missed.  I had that kind of Tuesday.

                Each Tuesday I meet with a friend to discuss our current religious book, and then toddle off to teach yoga.  We are reading “Story of a Soul” by St. Therese of Lisieux.  One passage that we each had highlighted discussed the saint’s problems with the seemingly inequitable distribution of gifts.  Why are some saints, and others just struggle through life without all of the graces God gives the saints?  She said “…every flower created by Him is beautiful, …the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy.  I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would lose its springtide beauty, and the fields would no longer be enameled with lovely hues.” 

                With these words I could feel the pitch.  God was throwing the ball to me to use as I would.  Did it mean go back to doing less?  Is being a daisy closing up shop?  Wouldn’t have been easy if that is what He meant.  But clarity was soon to come…

When I arrived at yoga, I was greeted with a huge bouquet of daffodils of every shape, size and hue that bloom in early spring.  From the tiny yellow Tete a Tete to the  bold white Mount Hood, each was beautiful by itself, but when they were all together, now that was amazing.  It struck me powerfully that denying my call to energy healing, returning to “normal” (though I never really was normal) or getting a “real job” would reduce the variety in life.  A huge bouquet of yellow King Alfred just has one note, a bit monotone, and I love variety.

So I hit the pitch, recommitting to my healing business, and we’ll see how far it gets.