Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

     What a great morning! Hot, freshly ground coffee. Freshly baked bread. A little Schlock Mercenary to accompany. And now my first post on the new computer.
       The week before last my computer gave up the ghost. Oh, it would turn on; it just wouldn't do much after that. I tried finishing up a solar eclipse post on the 22nd of August and it just laughed at me. I would do the writing on my iPad, then go to the computer to add the pictures when I could get it to work. Two hours later, no finish in sight. It was time.
     So today is Christmas, three months early. I hope the joy that is abounding in my house spills out to you. Have a great Thursday and I'll get back to regular posting once I get all of the computer stuff up and running. Tomorrow sound good to you? It's a date.

Enneagram Type 5- The Investigator

image from https://strangenotions.com/einstein-god/

    When I think of a Type 5, my mind goes immediately to an absent minded professor- someone who thinks and plans their way through life. A five is interested in knowing things and feels more secure when they know them deeply. They are the obvious 'head' person, living a full, productive, satisfying life completely in their minds.

Reiki in the Movies at Last! Magic Mike XXL

  What better way to start a weekend than with this great picture from Yesmovies.
     Now, I must admit, I've never seen Magic Mike XXL, but when I was clicking around the web this morning looking for something different about reiki, these gorgeous hunks popped up. The character, Ken, has level three reiki. Too cool!
     Here is an article from Cosmo and one from Bustle about the movie and reiki. No wonder more and more people know what I'm talking about when I say I'm a reiki master.

Enneagram Type 4: The Romantic

    When I think of a type 4, I think moody, artistic, creative, the need to be distinctive. This photo of Bob Dylan from the New York Times just captures the feeling of a Four. They create so much beauty just by being willing to embrace the darkness in life.
     Being friends with a Four can be a wild ride. As a Two, I always want to fix things and make you feel better. My friends who are Fours don't want to be fixed, in fact, they tend to create more chaos for themselves because in sadness and strife they have more energy and creativity.

Get Rid of the Pain in Your Neck: Beneficial aligning posture exercises

   

      As I've mentioned before, in 1989 I was in a significant auto accident. It left me with a cervical vertebra that doesn't move quite right. This means I need to take exquisite care of my neck and can still have problems.

     I've tried many different things over the years, but these are by far the best exercises I found. They  have made a great difference for me. They keep my neck supple and moveable, even though it still has bad days.

Beneficial aligning posture exercises 

*Do 1-3 sets, 10-15 reps, everyday when possible 

-shoulder rows backwards motion 

-shoulder squeeze (chest in an upwards motion)

-head side to side (keeping shoulders squared in place, I call this one ‘tick tock’)

-overhead single side stretch (hold each rep for 10 sec, do 3 sets)

-doorframe stretch (forearms on doorframe and lean into it till you feel the stretch, hold for 20-30 seconds)

-rag doll (hold for 30 sec, no bounce)

-standing/stretching backward bend (hold for 20-30 sec)

-chin tuck (neck backward)

-chin tuck with backward tilt-up

-turn head side to side/left to right, trying to stretch a little farther each time

-turn head to one side as far as it will comfortably go and then rock head up and down 10 times, then switch to the other side and do it 10 times, repeat if time allows.

I like to do these exercises when I listen to a podcast or a book on tape. The reward entices me back each day—I hope it does for you as well. Enjoy a pain free neck! 

Enneagram Type Three: The Achiever

   This comic by Clare Cherikoff says it all! Type Threes are the achievers. They are often good looking, have a presence that helps them stand out from the crowd, and measure their lives by how successful they are.
     I was fortunate to be part of a long standing book group run by a Three, and ably assisted by another Three. We always had the next book picked out early, everything was on time, and she could somehow attract more people when others moved on. When she got a new job and leadership of the group passed to a Seven, the group began to struggle. Nothing was wrong, but slowly people stopped coming. When the other Three withdrew,

Non- Dual Thinking: How to be of two minds and enjoy it

       What if I told you that one of the deepest, most abstruse concepts I ever learned, I first heard about from a fifth grader? I was working with a pair of Speech and Drama club members on how to improv.   It was their first foray into duo improv and it was not going well. After I heard one of them in the hall complaining abut the other, "doesn't he get yes, and?" Of course I had no idea what they were talking about. All I knew was that the two of them just couldn't get along, couldn't decide on an idea during their prep time.
     Since I was so new and not ready to relinquish any authority, I waited until after practice to ask the coach. She said the idea behind 'yes, and' is that anything your partner says, even if it is not what you agreed to in the prep, you say 'yes, and...' Once you start playing around with it, what a powerful notion it becomes. The sky is falling. Yes, and it is made of chicken soup. Yes, and I'm allergic to chicken. Yes, and I have a super vaccine. Yes, and I'm deathly afraid of shots.
      Everything becomes legal. Everything becomes within bounds. Too much fun for a way outside the box person like me! The further I get into energy medicine and meditation, the easier this becomes. One is not either right or wrong, but can be both and neither at the same time. In my spiritual learning it's called non-dual thinking.  Wikipedia defines nondualism as "a mature state of consciousness, in which the dichotomy of I-other is 'transcended,' and awareness is described as 'centerless' and 'without dichotomies.' Simply speaking, we're both right. In the past I've written about it here and here. This article from the Huffington Post has Richard Rohr's description.
     If you'd really like to get a feel for this, I love Melinda Butch-Kovacic's Tedx talk on Polarity thinking. She gives a great real life example of how to avoid the traps of dual or black and white thinking.

Gaynor Faye- Our next Reiki Celebrity!

    When I first took reiki, my teacher, JoAnn Utley, stressed the importance of 'gathering evidence.' Since many of us never get to see the reiki energy, it is important to gather the evidence of reiki working in our lives and those around us.
      My next piece of evidence is British soap opera actress, Gaynor Faye. This article from Now Magazine talks about how she works on "friends and family." I love how reiki is becoming more and more mainstream. Enjoy your weekend!

Enneagram Type One Videos

     I left the videos out of the Enneagram Type One post. Here are two that I really enjoyed.

Enneagram Type 2: The Helper

from here

    When you try to visualize a Type Two, think Dori from Finding Nemo. Always super helpful, super cheerful, loving, caring, and above all, fixing things for you. As a Two myself, I can tell you that I'm great to be around if you want help on your project, but much more difficult if you just want to tell your story because I want to fix whatever the problem is. Also, I'm told my happiness before the first cup of coffee is absolutely insufferable.

More Thoughts on Community

     I'm sitting under a tree while the 9-11 year olds at my Y wash the car. Child labor at it's finest.
      This week the 9 and ups are having a car wash and bake sale at the Lynn Street Y. My car was one of the first to be washed (or, perhaps better said, go under the knife). Though the kids were supervised, the camp counselors let them learn through doing while washing to my beloved car, Sophia (yes, my car is named after wisdom! She's a smart lady with cameras to tell me if I'm backing into someone). It was almost a physical pain when one of the kids bounced a bucket off her hood. But it was so worth it. These were kids who were gaining up time in the pool and gym to wash cars so they could earn money for field trips. The mom in me so approves!
     I enjoyed spending time with the campers, talking about hair cuts and field trips. All that lovely young energy was wonderful. Again and again, I find community and it's importance. Hopefully I'll find no dent in the hood, but if it's there, that's a small price to pay.

Doctor Oz and the Healing Powers of Reiki

    Our next reiki celebrity is Dr. Oz. I just love how this man's genial personality and desire to heal spills over and gives credibility to what many consider a fringe healing method. This article from the International Association of Reiki Professionals sums it up beautifully.

Enneagram Overview and Type One

from here

   Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'why are they doing that?'
      I think that is the basic state of existence since the only head we can get into is our own. When I am trying to figure out people, or, better yet, the client in front of me, I turn to the enneagram. It is a tool for understanding how we come to the crazy decisions we all make. The enneagram describes internal energies expressed through outward actions. Think of a habit you just can't break, or the thing that you do that everyone around you asks you to stop. From my life, it's over helping. The first words in my mind when someone describes a problem are always 'how can I help?' After learning the Enneagram, now I keep offers to help inside (some times).

What We Value

      Have you ever tried to explain something you 'know,' only to realize what you 'know' is just a feeling, not knowledge? How frustrating! Last week, I was trying to explain Patreon, a website that allows creators to get paid for their work. It's a great concept to help bloggers, YouTube creators, and artists of all stripes get funded so they can keep creating the content we love. Each month I pay for webcomics, writers,  and podcasters works that I access for free on the internet and through the library. It feels powerful to help them create what I love.
     So there I was, trying to persuade my friends of the importance of free information, and that people will pay for it if you set things up properly.  I was (trying to) explain my new Patreon account. I set up the account because I love to make things. How fortunate to be born in an era where there are so many free venues to show my creations! One of my YouTube videos has over 800,000 views and weekly I get questions through the comments section and through email. Wouldn't it be great to get paid for it?

Chef Sean Brock practices reiki!

     I couldn't believe my eyes. Reiki in the New York Times. The article talks about chef Sean Brock and his recovery from post traumatic stress disorder. They say "he spends a few hours a day in self-care activities like meditation and reiki." Just assuming everyone who reads the article knows what reiki is. We live in great times my friends! Happy Saturday!

May I? Can I? Should I?

    Several years ago I took a great class from Peaceful Meadow Retreat. The Hanna Kroeger 1 class taught me two very important things. The first was that it was not for me. I loved the class, but it was not at all what my clients come to see me for. They come for peace, not for supplements. The second is three simple questions that changed my practice and how I approach life.
     May I? Can I? Should I?
     Who knew that six words could be so profound?
     Let's consider our first question 'may I?' When you ask yourself this, it is all about permission. Do you have permission to work on this person or object?

What is Community? Lessons from a broken bike

    On Tuesday my bike found a piece of glass in the road and I got a flat tire. I was only a mile and a half from my house, so it was no big deal. Since severe thunderstorms were starting to move into the area, I had to get home as quickly as possible. It took about a half hour (boy do we have big hills!) so I had loads of time to think.
     At first I was thinking 'who would you trust if they stopped to help you?' It was strange. I usually trust everyone, enough so that it makes my husband nervous. After a while, I moved on to 'why is no one stopping to help?'

Too Much Force!

    Working with the human body is a touchy thing in more ways than one. When we adjust in yoga or touch in healing there is always the possibility of harming the person you are trying to help. There is nothing more irritating than the practitioner pressing into your body when they should be gently laying on hands or an instructor forcing your body into a position it does not want to take.
     Just yesterday I experienced something amazing. My Tai Chi teacher gave me a hand up from the floor. Now this is a man who has made a career out of breaking people. He has forgotten more about martial arts than most black belts ever learn. But when he gave me a hand up off the floor, it was with the perfect amount of force, like the lift was evenly distributed throughout my entire body, not just through my hands to my shoulders, to the body. He always jokes that if you know how to cause pain, you also know how to heal.
     How do we learn to do the same thing? First by becoming more aware of your body and it's edges. Those edges might be your hands, clothes, hair, or a healing accessory (like the lotion bottle of a massage therapist). If any part of you touches your client it should be intentional. Not only does it remove your client from the experience, but it can become actively irritating (when the yoga instructor's long hair touches you).
      Once you've learned your edges, it's time to discover your power. Press your hands together as hard as you can (according to NASA this is force is between 30-50 pounds). Now, push half as hard (between 15-25 pounds). Now, half as hard again (7.5-12.5 pounds). That last one is as hard as you should ever push when working with a client or student. Granted these are averages, but the exercise I described works very well in practice. And on that note, just like getting to Caragie Hall, the best solution learning to adjust poses is to practice.
       The final hurdle is forming a relationship. Before touching a client in a healing session or a student in a yoga class, always get permission first. Part of this process is making sure the person you are working with will tell you to stop if it is irritating or begins to hurt. Go into it gently. Sometimes, you may need to have the discussion several times in one session.
      This week's video is about the Hanna Kroeger technique for resetting the brain stem. In it you gently manipulate the client's head to reset the brain stem. It is the perfect way to practice your use of gentle force.

Command Presence

      Command presence. Sounds like something for a police officer or military man. In police work, it's what keeps you alive. For the military, it's what keeps your unit focused and on task amidst destruction and devastation. But how does this fit into the gentle framework of energy healing?
Our first problem is in the idea that healing is gentle. Healing requires change, both accepting that change is necessary and that it is beneficial. To the client, change can be a scary thing, even when the intellect is saying it's safe. Our job as healers is to provide the activation energy. In chemistry it's the minimum quantity of energy that the reacting species must possess in order to undergo a specified reaction. For our purposes, it is the force required to get a change from what you are doing to what you want to do. Command presence is that force. It is the energy of a parent enforcing rules and boundaries or the energy a trusted policeman uses to break up an incipient fight.
     Each time I teach reiki and Hanna Kroeger techniques, it also becomes a class in command presence. Both require the healer to take charge and supply the activation energy to bring about change, even if the change is to relax. It makes everthing feel safe. And it is teachable. Finding the balance between command presence (authority, trust, respect) and bullying (loud, ordering, controlling) is best done with a trusted teacher aloud. In my first year of playing with reiki, I tried so hard to force or push the energy. It took time to realize how to relax and let it happen while being in control. Like playing with a group of first graders. The teacher supplies the framework, the kids supply the energy.
     But I hear you say, I'm not there with you, how do I work on command presence? I think there are two facets to work on. The first is laying in the groundwork. It is easier to act with confidence and authority when you have a strong body, mind, and spirit. Sleep and exercise are essential. Use clothing that fits well and looks good to bolster your confidence. Act with honor and integrity so that worry does not cloud your spirit.
The second area is discipline. It's like a muscle that developes the more you use it. The nice thing is that working on one discipline translates to others. Take a cold shower, get out of be a half hour earlier, fast for a day (or a meal), be kind to other drivers (no matter what), meditate at the same time each day. Just find something that is difficult, speaks to you, and do it, no questions asked. I highly recommend the book, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster. He reminds us that discipline is not all about giving up stuff, rather moving toward becoming the person you were divinely created to be.
     Command presence really came into focus when I made this video about Hanna Kroeger methods for healing the pituitary. It's all about confidence and using your intuition to support and enhance pituitary function. If you have any ideas about command presence or stories to share, please leave a comment below.

Non-dual Thinking

     Three years ago, in a fit of grace, I gave up figuring things out. You know how something happens- your back goes out, your child fails out, someone is unkind to you- then you spend hours and hours replaying the event trying to decide why it happened or how you could have (woulda, shoulda) changed the outcome. I decided that it was a waste of my time when I'll never know the true answer.
     What was a neat side effect was how it opened my mind more easily to non-dual thinking, being able to hold two opposite things as true. Dualism is all about choosing sides; men are better than women, beauty is better than ugliness, America is better than everybody else. Non-dual thinking can see each sex as even, the beauty in ugliness, and that every country is both good and bad at the same time.
      As an energy healer, there is a lot of letting go. Allopathic (MD) medicine says this, chiropractic (DC) says that, Naturopathic (ND) offers a different perspective, and what about the osteopaths (DO)? Often my experiences as a reiki practitioner and teacher say something else entirely. I think we are probably all right and wrong at the same time. It all comes down to language and accepting that each client is completely different.
      This week I've been preparing for my monthly reiki share. The class on the pineal and pituitary glands is mostly written, house mostly tidy, accompanying YouTube video posted. As I was working on the video I struggled to communicate the function of the pineal gland. Modern medicine says it is an 'atrophied photoreceptor' that secretes melatonin and has 'an exalted status in the realm of pseudoscience' (quotes from Wikipedia). Hanna Kroeger said that the pineal gland is the door to God's grace (Seven Spiritual Causes of Ill Health). But what is the difference between atrophied photoreceptor and the third eye?
     For me it is all in the experience. When I perform the maneuver to open the pineal gland, I can feel the change in my meditation, emotional stability, and ability to go to sleep. Clients have reported similar experiences. Calling things pseudoscience is just fear looking at the undiscovered reality that we swim in.  Who could fund the study to confirm this and how could you control for other factors. I have no idea, so instead I choose to hold both ideas gently at the same time. Non-dual thinking to the rescue!

Conspicuous Consumption

     I just had the great good fortune of a short trip to Portland, Oregon. What an amazing place! On our first day we drove from the city to the coast and back in a great triangle. There were moments of breathtaking beauty, signs of great poverty, and huge signs of man's heavy hand on the planet. It was such a moving day in so many ways I'm not sure what to do with it.
      The turmoil began on the drive to the quirky pirate city of Astoria. As we left the city of Portland the beautiful woods of the Northwest closed in about the road. I actually said that it was so beautiful we could turn around and not go any further. It was breathtaking.

the beautiful drive through a very rain soaked window

     As we drove along highway 30 it began to open into farmland. The farm houses grew smaller and in greater disrepair the further we drove from the city. Subsistence living was such a strong contrast to the city were people routinely pay $5 for a cup of coffee.
    In a few miles the land began to rise. We passed truck after truck filled to overflowing with huge logs. Then we hit the first clear cut. A huge swath of the forest cut down to stumps. A long bit of forest, then an area that was selectively logged. The difference between untouched land and logged areas was stark.

each of the white tags in this blurry photo is a newly planted tree

      We reached Astoria with relief. What a great town! If it hadn't been raining I would have stopped in every shop and bar in the place, each looked so unique. We stopped at Pier 39 to have a cup of something warming at Coffee Girl, where they serve coffee over the same bar that the young women would serve coffee to all of the cannery workers on their breaks.

the original coffee counter

The pier was so different from the many naval piers I've been to. It smelled so clean and fresh. The ocean had healed all the scars from it's prior incarnation as a cannery. We went into the shop and ordered some drinks. It's the strangest thing. Driving in a warm, dry car through driving rain. Why did we feel so cold and miserable? The drinks were wonderful and so picturesque I needed a photo.

our table at Coffee Girl

Notice the background? The river was full of container ships going to Portland and other port cities. It was so neat to watch. As we sat there it struck me, most of these ships, in fact, all of them are full of future landfill contents. I try to be careful about my footprint, reusing and recycling as much as possible, but that lovely fabric I just used to make a dress probably came from China in a ship just like this, not to mention the containers I use each Friday to bring dinner home from Chipotle.

     What about the clear cutting we saw earlier? My house is made of wood. My husband is a woodworker, so the basement is full of wood. That Chipotle container is paper. The napkins on our table are paper. Wait, the table is wood!

     I was paralyzed by my complicity in the destruction I saw everywhere. Also, that even with such abundant resources, both locally and from abroad, how many poor subsistence level farms we saw. I know that for some it is a choice they welcome, but for others it is just what they were born into.

     It can be so easy to think 'they' are the problem. The loggers who cut the trees down. The manufacturers who pollute in China. The Enron executives who lived high by lying to employees and investors. The truth is I am 'they.' Not bad, not evil, just responsible for the results from my actions.

    It's been several months since I took these pictures. Each time I set down to write this post, I only got another paragraph. I kept waiting for resolution, for some big change to make it work, to make it make sense.  That sense I was looking for was there all along. I keep thinking I need to change the world, but I just need to change my world. Make the place I live a nicer, kinder, more gentle place. Move from conspicuous to conscious consumption.

Perfect Person for the Job

     Over the past year and a bit I have been a traveling fool. It's been wonderful. Italy (twice), Amsterdam, California (twice), North Carolina, Portland. All in one year. Like God was making up for all the years I spent at home in one fell swoop. All this travel has put me in contact with more people in one year than the last twenty, combined. One thing that I kept noticing is how finding joy is possible anywhere.
     When we were traveling to Portland, my husband and I had a long layover in Detroit. On the way to the gate for our next flight, I stopped to pick up a bottle of water. There were six people in line in front of me. It took nearly a half hour to check out even though there were three people behind the counter. As we waited the shop grew more and more crowded, but the man working the cash register remained calm and smiling. He'd tell each new customer that the computer system is down, sorry for your wait, add up the expenses, make change, and send them off smiling. It was beautiful. He was the perfect person for the job.
     On the last leg home from Amsterdam Delta was having a 'luggage problem.' There was not enough room on the plane for the carryon luggage allowed. The gate agent was asking people to check their luggage, counting how many peices each passenger was carrying, and checking in a huge line of people, all on her own. She just took it in stride, smiling the whole time. She made everyone feel easy and comfortable, even while they were being badgered to give up something they'd paid a lot of money for. She had no need to blame it on the company or apologize. She was the perfect person for the job.
     I think this is what makes change so hard. We take our world, shape it into something where we are the perfect person for the job, then the world changes on us. We lose that job, the kids go off to school, an new child is born, the job moves to a different state. It doesn't even need to be a bad change for the new way of living to take away our joy. The key is realize that it is within each of us to find joy in whatever situation.
     But how, darn it?
     When I think about the people I've seen this year and of my own times of joy, I notice three things in common. Competence, relaxation, and focus. Both of the people I described knew their jobs and did them well in trying circumstances. Competent. When my kids both left for college, I needed to learn how to organize my own life. I felt like I was drifting. It was so uncomfortable. School hours had always broken my day into neat bits that I filled in with work. I was lost deciding how to order my days. Four years later, I have a system that works most of the time. It gave be back lines to color inside. Thank God.
     The relaxation I'm thinking of is not meditation or stretching. It can almost be described as allowing.  The idea 'what I can't control, I won't worry about.' It was amazing to watch these two people rise to the challenge with no complaints, no worries, no energy spent on what they could not control. In direct contrast to their shining examples, I am a master worrier. It's a talent. One that I use in the small hours of every night. It drives me crazy, but I do have a work around. Each night before I go to bed, I write down a list of everything I could wake up and try to solve in the middle of the night. If I wake up and start thinking, I just remind myself that that is already on the list and go back to sleep. It only took three nights for my brain to start believing and now it works like a charm.
     The last commonality I noticed was focus. My two teachers in the airports were completely present, not worrying about the future or fretting about past mistakes. They didn't even blame the employers who got them into the uncomfortable situations, they just worked to resolve the problems before them. It was beautiful. Meditation in action. I find this place most easily when I'm doing reiki, working in the garden, writing fiction, or sewing. The key is to take that feeling of ease and find ways to put it in the other areas of life. Sometimes I clean house the way I garden, just setting out to work for a while and letting it take me where it will rather than to finish a specific task. Other times I clean the way I sew, noticing how each little bit of clean area adds to the beauty of the whole room.
     Joy is not happiness. Joy is not pleasure. But what, exactly, is it? I had the hardest time defining joy, though I experience it all the time. I poked and I prodded. Nothing. Finally I went to Uncle Google for help. Here is my favorite definition so far. According to John Piper in his article How Do You Define Joy?, "Joy is a good feeling of the soul, produced by the Holy Spirit, as he causes us to see the beauty of Christ in the word and in the world." To secularize this definition, joy is a good feeling of the soul from seeing the beauty in the world. Lets all go out, find some beauty and become the perfect person for whatever job you have today.

How to Fire a Client, Energy Healer style

     How to fire a client. This topic has 1,270,000 articles that come up on a web search. Most deal with clients who are difficult or disrespectful, but it is different in the healing business, especially in the energy healing business. To become a healer of any sort- doctor, chiropractor, reiki practitioner- is to come from a genuine desire to help people. So what to do if the best help you can give someone is to recommend they leave?
     Recently I've been on both sides of this experience and I have a few observations that may help you as you make this decision. From the receiving end being fired was so frustrating! I wasn't sure which was worse that he said he couldn't help or that it took so long (and so much money) for him to let me know. First lesson learned:

1. Be Proactive

     For two and a half years, I was a patient of a great chiropractor. I generally saw him biweekly. We tried manipulation, traction, exercises, supplements. Nothing worked. Grr. I was feeling worse than when we started. I finally expressed my frustration with lack of progress and he said, lets take a break for a few weeks and I'll come back to you with suggestions. When I came back the suggestion was to look elsewhere for healing.
     As I write this I'm still angry that it took me (the patient) to put up the 'this isn't working' flag. We had the same discussion two other times over the years I was his patient. I should have trusted my gut earlier. It's important to know what your own abilities are. Which leads me to the second lesson.

2. Know Your Abilities

     One of the most valuable things I've ever learned can be summed up in three simple questions. Before beginning any work as yourself these questions- May I? Can I? Should I? In this situation our question is can I? Is it within my abilities to help my client?
     Two weeks ago I had to let go of a client. It was hard because not only was he a regular appointment, but I really enjoyed working with him. Sessions were very interactive and interesting. But something wasn't quite right. I couldn't put my finger on it. Then he said something in an email that made me understand. There was a situation he needed to clear before any more healing happened. And it needed skills I don't yet possess.
     For a more concrete example, if you come to me with a compound fracture of the femur, I'll send you to the orthopedic surgeon to get the bone set, then we can get to work.
    It becomes a matter of ethics. Taking someone's money and time, while knowing I can't help, is just wrong.

3. Use Your Tools

     It was hard to admit I couldn't help.
     Really hard.
     I so didn't want to make the call. So I called in reinforcements from the toolbox I have amassed over the years. My first stop was Brain Gym. Most people go to brain gym classes to learn how to help the kids, either students in their classes or clients. We all walk away with tools to help ourselves.
     When I am confronted with changing stubborn ideas, I need to look no farther than my door. Using this chart, I did a Brain Gym balance around letting go. It took about fifteen minutes.
     It felt better, but I wasn't quite ready. Time for the next tool. I got out my zafu (made from this pattern and buckwheat hulls) and sat down. That's all. Just a little time with the Lord, not to pray or ask or complain, just to spend a bit of time.
     I made the call, still not sure I could admit my inability. But it was so easy. I was calm and forthright, not pushing for 'here's the perfect solution.' We agreed to stopping the work.
     I have no idea what it was like on the client's end, but I felt very peaceful, like I had finally found the solution for a problem that was lurking in the back of my mind.

     It's never easy to change things, even if they are not working. It's just important to remember to notice how you are feeling, honor the need to change, and use all your tools to make the change as gentle as possible. If you have any ways to make this transition smoother or would like to share your story (from either side) please leave a comment below. Blessings, Pam

Who Am I?

     Today I had the most interesting experience. There are five or six posts in varying stages of completeness, but this idea is so fresh and transient that I need to catch it.
     I just came back from an appointment with a personal shopper. I can't even believe I said that. But, if you are lost, doesn't it make sense to consult a professional?
     Last year I lost 38 pounds, fasted tor two weeks, gained 6 back because people said I looked too skinny, was diagnosed with low thyroid and fibromyalgia,  then gained 10 more from taking Lyrica. I had a serious identity problem. I'd look in the mirror and say who is that? Not, what an ugly girl or look at the wrinkles and flab, just, who is that? Then I got a bad haircut. Things had reached critical mass. Something had to be done.
     So I went to my local professional, Lucy the Personal Shopper, and spent a few hours discovering the answer to my question. When I arrived she had seven outfits arrayed around the room. It was great, and also a bit disappointing. They were a little 'meh.' Kind of everywoman's outfit. Nothing special. But she didn't know me, so maybe there was more. We spent a while discovering sizes and tastes, but things still seemed to be so bland.
     Turns out, this time of year is mostly wardrobe staples, so the clothes in stock were fairly vanilla. And that was a good thing. Who knew?
     When Lucy had to leave to take care of another client, I had a few moments alone in the room. I sorted through the clothes we tried out. Which would I really wear with confidence? Which made me smile? I changed the arrangement on the bar several times and finally ended up with four disparate pieces that actually told the story I came in to hear.
     A coat. Athletic pants. A striped t-shirt. A dress.
     Not the coordinated wardrobe I purchased last time. The coat reminded me of a robe my sister in law had years ago, that I always thought looked so warm and cozy. The pants were like some that I had worn holes in years ago. The t-shirt was similar to the one I walked in wearing. The dress was a grown up version of one I wore to a party just after graduating college. They were better cut, one step (or many) above their predecessors. Definitely had the same DNA.
     I am the same person I've always been, just a more refined version.
     Just like I tell my clients.
     How had I missed it?

*Author's Note: I wrote a month or so ago about the prevalence of 'sorry' in my writing and speech. Apparently I didn't do a good enough job rooting it out on my own. Now, at a gathering I go to each week, there is 'Pam's sorry jar,' a mason jar for me to put money into each time I say sorry. Thank God for sending friends to help me along the way.

Forgiveness: A Call to Compassion

     It's a bad thing when your auto suggestion on both the phone and computer suggest 'sorry' each time you type the letter 's.' How many times did I have to say sorry to get that to happen? I realized this last February and have spent the last year noticing how often I apologized for things that I had no control over or were just plain silly. It was stunning, and how irritating it must be for those receiving the endless stream of 'sorry's.
     Recently I've been meditating on the Prayer of St. Francis (that's him, of course, with the Wolf of Gubbio, a great forgiveness story). I've always loved the saint and thought his way of life was a good one. But this prayer of his, now this is really interesting. There is only one thing that he mentions twice- pardoning.

"Where there is injury, pardon..."

"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned..."

     In spending more time with the prayer I've come to realize that I am only doing the first, always begging pardon and asking for forgiveness. "Sorry I did this..." "Sorry this didn't work out..." I've never really done the second part, receiving the pardon that was given. When pardon is received, then the emotion, guilt, should leave the memory, so we remember how to prevent the problem, but not feel guilty about the failure.
     The other thing to consider in these phrases is the word injury. The most comfortable people in the world to be around emotionally are the wise, the monks and nuns whose years of study and living in community have made them so forgiving, I never feel like I have injured them. No need to apologize because no offense given.
     Now jump to me, at a conference or a meeting. I feel like I spend my whole time there forgiving the person who keeps clicking his pen or sniffing. How about the person who is perennially disorganized, dropping everything, never finding the pen that is right there? Oh wait, that's me so that one is okay. I keep needing to forgive people for doing things that only offend 'my rules.' Kids running around don't bother me, so that's okay. Those clicking pens and runny noses don't really offend me either. I don't even notice. Here's what bugs me- people who apologize and explain all the time. Me. What drives me crazy is the flaw I am trying to excise from myself.
      In some ways that's a good thing. At least I'm aware. Now that I'm aware, it's time to practice compassion. Time to find a few less thing to forgive and just accept right where they are. How about you? What drives you crazy? What is your call to compassion? Just leave a comment below.

Lessons from the School of Suffering

I'm the one with the red face on the bottom...

     Over the past three years I've been getting a masters degree from a school no one wants to attend, the School of Suffering.
     It feels like I've always had 'structural' issues, maybe stemming from a massive car crash that my future husband and I had back in 1989. 20 years of yoga practice, with 14 as a teacher, have only kept me moving, not fixed the underlying problem. Neither has healthy eating, multiple different types of herbal programs, 9 chiropractors, 3 cranio-sacral practitioners, 6 months of physical therapy, 7 medical doctors, etc etc etc.
    The pain was so constant and intense. Things would hurt so much my muscles would tighten up and pull the bones out of place. The search for a solution was driving me crazy. It is also very expensive. So I've needed to find a new approach, a new way of looking at my problem, making it not a problem, but a gift.
     You see, pain is something you just can't keep ignoring. Wherever you go there it is. You can ignore your children, your spouse, the books you read, your pastor, but pain is always present. It grabs your brain and just won't let go, reminding you to change your ways.
    If this suffering is a gift, what have I received? How am I different from this time last year?

• really clean eating- enough veg just for me that it stuffs the fridge every Sunday (I lost 30 pounds without trying, just cut out cheese...)
• daily walking and tai chi to keep flexible and mobile (not just a promise to do better tomorrow)
• I'm more forgiving towards myself- if I take a long nap in the afternoon because the pain was exhausting, I forgive myself for all the undone things
• now I allow people to help me- when the pain is bad I can't think clearly so I need others to take up the slack. This allows me to be grateful for all the help that surrounds me.

    I was impressed when I added up all the gains I've made in 2016. Without all the pain I could have remained the same. It's time to learn to be grateful for this.

    Are there things in your life you'd like to learn to be grateful for? Or any advice to those of us still learning this lesson? Just put a note in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you,

Don't Worry, Be Happy

     I won't lie to you. I'm so proud of the drawing I did for the YouTube video I could bust. It took three tries (camera angle issues), but here it is in all it's glory.
     It was so much fun to play around with the speeds of the drawings to get them to sync with the audio.  Then I released my baby out into the world unfinished. I forgot to record an ending because I was so proud of the beginning and middle. I've fixed it, but I had to sacrifice the views it already received and fix all the places I posted a link to. Apparently I missed the part of the video where I mentioned focus and doing the things that contributed to the goal. I always teach the things I need to learn...
     On to the real post. I've been practicing what I preach and noticed something wonderful. Every time I drive on the expressway, and when I'm waiting for things, like pages to load on my computer or waiting in line, I give reiki towards my goals.  Great. I've been doing it for a couple of weeks. Also, great. But there is a wonderful side benefit. . The feel of reiki in my head is a very high vibration. Giving reiki makes me happy. Really happy.
     Even though I haven't achieved my goals, I'm happier for long stretches inside my day. It is wonderful. I'd even use the term, unreasonably happy, because there is no reason to be happy, I just am. I have most of the same problems, the same pains, the same things that still need tending to, but now I'm happy for longer stretches of the day. All from just a few minutes of concentrated thinking.
     If you've had an experience like this that you'd like to share, please leave a comment below. Or if you have another suggestion, I'd love to hear it. Until next time, be blessed.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day, 2017

       Each year Martin Luther King Day is a day of reflection in our house, but not for the reasons you might imagine.  Yes, he was a great speaker.  Yes, he was a great leader.  For my husband and I however, this day 24 years ago was a watershed moment in our lives.
         We were living in the Philippines and gone up to Baguio for the long weekend.  Baguio is a beautiful city up in the Philippine tropical pine forest highlands.  It was so cool and pleasant, but getting there was another story.  This is the road up to Baguio.  One would think this is the place where our troubles began.  One would be wrong.  We navigated this crazy, twisty, windy road up and down the mountain with no problems (other than the fingerprints I left in the door handle by griping it so hard).

       Once we got back down to the plains there was a tremendous traffic jam in the middle of rice paddy country.  We were wondering what could possibly cause this kind of traffic so far out in the country.  As we inched forward, we saw it was road construction!  It may have been the only time we ever saw a road being fixed the entire time we lived in the PI.  Turns out, the Filipinos didn't see road construction often either.  After we passed and began accelerating up to highway speed (about 35 mph), a bus going the opposite direction decided he didn't want to wait in line any more and pulled out into our lane without checking for oncoming traffic.
        It was a nearly head on collision.  About four feet of the vehicles overlapped, so we struck one another, then our car pivoted around the impact point, the car flipped and we skidded down the highway upside down.  Thankfully we both walked away, but it is a day that will live in our necks forever....
        The pain (and long term chiropractic visits) have become life long friends and like all friends they bear many gifts.  For me the biggest one has been my lifelong interest in body movement and health.  Without that horrible crash, would I have learned yoga and had my 14 year teaching anniversary?  Without the crash, would I have found reiki?  Without the crash would I have helped so many heal themselves?
        On each Martin Luther King, Jr. Day I find myself thinking of the driver of the bus and blessing him and his family because I am so grateful for the life I now lead.  It is my answer to "life's most persistent and urgent question, what are you doing for others?"  My prayer for you this day is you notice your answer and bless the people who helped you get there.

But I want it. Now! Using Reiki towards goals

    It's definitely that time of year. When you see people wearing 2017 glasses, it's resolution time. I've never really gotten the resolution thing. "New Year, New You!" The calendar changed, not me.
      But here I sit in the midst of a big change. Maybe it's finally time.
      But I need new language- not resolutions, but what about ... goals. Enormous, shoot-the-moon goals and smaller more practical ones. The word goals feels right.
      I set long term and short term goals each year, and have learned that I do better with check boxes and small rewards for weekly goal reaching. I like to play. A lot. The check in the box and eventual reward makes eating salad, again, feel like play. One of my friends has her master’s thesis due soon. She’s giving herself a dollar bill for each day she works on her thesis.
      I’m on a medication that makes most people gain weight, she has her master’s thesis. But what if your plans are not so clear?  There are so many ways to determine goals. Are you into relationships? Think about who you relate to in your three spheres- your work, your family, your friends. Are you into the journey? Think about where you are going in 7 realms- spiritual, personal development, relationship, career/business, financial, health, and your free time/ family.
      Every website has a different way of thinking about it. Find the one that works for you and go with it. Have fun, put on some great music, dance in your kitchen, and pick out some goals, those things most important to you. Write down ten, fifty, one hundred- whatever feels right.
     This year I came up with 26 ‘what would you do if you knew you could not fail’ goals. One I actually already achieved, just two weeks in. Next year I need to think bigger. I narrowed down my dream list to three goals, big hard goals that will change my life for the better.
     And here is the key, the secret sauce that makes it all work, only do things that advance your goal. I’m not the best at this. I tend to say yes when people ask me to do something, but I am getting better. If 80% of my free time is now given to reaching my goals, they come so much closer.
    My other key ingredient is daily commitment. Remember how I like check boxes. I made a really bright pink post it note that moves from day to day in my planner. I give 10 minutes of reiki, every day, to my goals. I think of it like brushing my teeth. Want good teeth, brush and floss. Want your goals give them energy. If reiki is not your thing, give the goals 10 minutes of prayer every day. This practice transformed my marriage several years ago. What you look at and think about is where your energy goes.
     It’s time to make 2017 a year we all want to live in. Blessings and best of luck in your journey.