Don't Carry the World in Your Shoulder

     I had the most interesting experience attending yoga class Friday.  It was a great class, but as is usually the case, the student (yes, me) didn't just learn the lesson that the teacher taught, but rather what she was ready to hear (finally).
     Today was a rainy foggy day.  It took a full hour to drive the 22 miles to class.  On the way there I kept thinking how nice it would be to do a class full of heart opening poses and meditations.  November has been a full month with both highs and lows, and my heart could use some help.
     I was late, so had to wait outside until the chanting and meditation were over.  Fortunately, I go to class with my Mom, so she had saved a space for me.  I unrolled my mat and began class.  One of the students who had been on time must have asked for heart openers, because she began the class I desired.
     Our instructor, Wendy, is a great teacher.  She carefully sequences classes and adds thoughtful observations.  I began to notice that as my heart grew more open, my chest and shoulders expanded and my neck began to complain.  Not only did it hurt, but it said 'if you don't stop now I am going to have my revenge soon.'  Let's just say my neck has quite a personality.

    Fallen caryatid carrying an urn

             Auguste Rodin

     I felt like Rodin's Caryatid, crushed under the weight of the building she was trying to hold up. I finally gave up on class and laid down on the floor for seriously early savasana.  Now I always tell my students to stop when they need to, but in my heart I was wishing to finally get to do all things. Here I am, however in the body I have it it just can't, yet.  So everyone else around me continued with the class and I lay down.
     Laying down in savasana, as a teacher, I always talk about how it puts together the class, settles it in the body.  In moving, I had felt this deep resistance inside my shoulder to letting go.  I've done a lot of traveling to and from my in laws and seeing my father in law who has dementia.  I have lots of issues inside that shoulder and it didn't seem to want to let go.
      I just laid down on the floor in a receptive posture.  It took a long time for everything to relax down into the floor.  When it did, I intellectually poked around into this resistance in my shoulder and in my heart.  Usually I feel that resistance because there are things that I haven't really admitted that I am thinking.   As I spent time with it feelings arose.
      Part of it was this deep sorrow for my father in law, who is in no way living the life he wanted for himself, although now he's actually pretty content.  Dementia seems to be a pretty happy place for him because he has let go of his worries.  My inner concern is a bit selfish, but I couldn't help feeling that if he were my age (which he was at one time) this is not where he would want to be.
       When I looked deeper into my heart I realized that I also felt lost, like a child running around a huge department store who cannot find her parents.  This is his path and it is not my job to fix it, though I do so love fixing things.
        In this case the 'a ha!' moment did not lead to resolution, just awareness.  Now, what to do?  I imagined that I was a child and sat on God's lap and leaned my head in and let myself feel sad and lost. When I felt His love come towards me, that good feeling was too big a leap. I wasn't ready to feel good. I thought maybe I'll just rest, rather than receive all that love.  When you are down, the step up to content is leap enough.
      Then I just... rested.

       What's funny is my shoulder hurts more now, because it has more mobility and the muscles have been so tightly clenched they don't want to deal with the freedom.  In the last two days I have spent time meditating and relaxing to solidify the gains.  Nothing makes the situation better, but at least now I am not making it worse.
     It was a very, very interesting savasana.

Fallen caryatid carrying an urn
Auguste Rodin

Peace Amidst the Storm

Just a quick observation for a Monday afternoon.   I was sitting with a friend working on her website.  She was reading a long piece  and as she spoke, I noticed over her shoulder a bird bobbing in my pine tree, right outside the window.  It has been very windy, so the branch was moving several feet up and down (and all around).  When I put myself in her place, all I could think was how queasy I'd be in her shoes.  I'd be clinging on for dear life with my wings flapping wildly to keep my balance.  Yet here is this house finch, a tiny little bird who did not move a muscle.  She just sat calmly in the tree.  She moved so little, she hard to see. (The picture at left is actually of a cardinal that I took a month ago, the tree was moving too much to take a good picture.  I had lots of blurs to choose from).
      This tiny bird was so at home in her surroundings.  The tree was going crazy in the wind, but there he calmly sat, way out on the limb, just riding the pitches and heaving.  All I could think was, when you are doing something that is in your nature, there is no hardship, tasks come along easily.  In reiki, we call it surrendering to the flow of energy.  In yoga, we soften the skin while the muscles are performing difficult tasks.
    I am always so grateful to have reminders about just going with where life takes me, rather than trying to control the uncontrollable.  When the tossing gets too much, it is time to fly to safer ground for a while.   After a brief rest, send me more, I love a challenge!

Peace On Earth (or at least in your heart)

click on the picture to contact me for free reiki

    For so many of us, peace is the last thing we associate with the holiday season.  It can be so frantic and unhappy, even as we do so many things to make others happy.  I have discovered a very interesting solution.
     When I first learned reiki, I was told that as I gave reiki, I would also receive a treatment as the energy flowed through me.  Two for the price of one- bonus!  As I have worked in the energy healing field,  I have observed this to be true, both for myself and even my least experienced students.  During the holidays, however, sometimes this knowledge is just not enough.  I need something that helps me now.
       Here is where life gets really cool.  I have been part of the beta testing for the Basis band (the review is in the works).  It looks just like a watch, but does so much more.  One of the things this device does is constantly capture your heart rate, so you can measure fitness and how hard you are working out.  What I never imagined was what I learned about reiki and it's affect on the body.
        Each Monday at 10 am, I give an hour of free distance reiki to anyone who asks (click on the cats above to request free reiki).  The basis band says that when I give reiki, my heart rate goes down, usually to 54 beats a minute, just like when I meditate.  This is even lower than when I sleep.  Turns out reiki is more relaxing than a nap.
        I really can use a little more of that in my life because I am a people pleaser and few people can be pleased around the holidays.  Performing reiki has such a strong focus, it is usually easier to find than meditation when you get caught up in life's craziness.

World Peace Grid at North Pole

        If you don't have any friends or family who will accept long distance reiki, I have a great solution.  The next World Peace Meditation is on Wednesday, December 17, 2012 at 7:30.  Here is the information from the International Center for Reiki Training and here is the card to use.    It can be a very powerful and very peaceful experience.  One of the lines on the card is "May the followers of all religions and spiritual paths work together to create peace among all people on Earth."  Now that's a Christmas gift worth giving.  Blessings.

Turn The Other Cheek

    So often we think of turning the other cheek as being a doormat for Jesus.  Isn't that  what He said?  Well, last Friday I was given a completely different perspective.  Rather than being submissive, turning the other cheek is standing your ground and by your refusal to retreat, mirroring your attacker's actions to them.  Now that sentence doesn't make sense to me (and I wrote it) but I have some great examples, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Mother Teresa.  Talk about two strong, non-violent people who changed the world!

   One day, Archbishop Desmond Tutu was walking on a raised walkway beside a muddy street. Approaching from the opposite direction came a white man.  The white man told him "I don't make way for gorillas."  The archbishop stepped aside, into the mud, made a deep sweeping gesture, and said, "Ah, yes, but I do."  What a great way to clarify the situation.

    The next story is from the life of Mother Teresa.  I had the privilege to work with the Missionaries of Charity (the order she founded) while stationed in the Philippines.  I have seen first hand the power of her convictions.  If I had to chose one word to describe their common life other than service, it would be pereseverance.  This fits in well with being struck on one cheek and offering the other.  The story that I was told is that one day Mother Teresa was begging for food for a young child.  They had gone to the baker.  He flatly refused and even spit on her.  Mother Teresa said, "Thank you for the gift for me, now could you please give this child some bread."
     I hope this gives you a bit of food for thought, now how to put it into practice....

Is There Such a Thing as To Much? (or anatomy of a healing crisis)

   Last week, life was really getting me down.  I hesitate to say "for no good reason," because we can always find a reason to be upset.  Lets leave it at, I was more down than was reasonable.  I felt like my nephew did when someone stole one of his potato chips....

       All this sorrow seems a bit extreme for one potato chip, but it was how he felt... and last week I felt the same.
        Well, I learned something very interesting today. There is more than one kind of healing crisis.  In the past I have dealt with physical issues.  When the body is getting rid of something, it can be a bit spectacular but I'll spare you the gory details.  We'll get together over coffee sometime and swap war stories.
      I've always known you can move too fast when healing, but had never experienced something quite like this.  (Now the funny thing is, as I typed those words, I realized that they aren't true at all.  For me emotional discomfort is kind of like childbirth, I forget the worst parts so I'm willing to go through it again.  Who knew?)  I was just so sad, over everything.  I can't imagine how people deal with depression every day of their lives.
       The good part about a rough time caused by too much of good thing (energy work, herbs, vibropathics) is that all you need to do is back off a little bit and find a happy place to let your mind rest. I spent Sunday recovering, probably listened to my relaxation meditation enough to wear out the tape (thank goodness it is on YouTube). By Monday I was gently (but inexorably) cleaning house.  I remember my father in law comparing the women who helped him set up his new home in the retirement community to battleships called dreadnoughts.  I didn't get it at the time, but now I understand. They just keep cleaning and it restores order to the world.
        I guess the lesson here is all things in good time.  In my hurry to be "fixed" and be done with it, I couldn't see the beauty of the world around me. What a shame it would have been to miss this sunset!

From Pain to Peace

       I had the most interesting experience last night.  I learned how to relax into pain.
       For the last few months (okay, longer than that...) I have  been having a rough time once a month.  Let's just say, my friends have been teasing me about The Change.  Not being ready for menopause, I have been denying it vigorously.  What I couldn't deny was the pain that each month brought.
       Since I have been preparing for a class on stress, I decided to treat pain as a stressor.  On Monday, I wrote a post about how I create affirmations.  Last night I put it to work.
       When I described the cause of my stress, it had the words hurt, afraid, whole body and descriptions of time (more than last month, less than two months ago).  I realized that a lot of the pain was caused by my reaction to the initial complaint.  So how to relax the body amidst distraction...

     I printed out Monday's post and wrote all over the back.  You can kind of see the bubble of the zebra's words in the top left corner. The affirmation I came up with you can see on the bottom.  " I am consciously aware of the calm silence of my spirit." (this sounds awfully good, bet I read it somewhere before, maybe from Louise Hay...) I like this because it also reminds me of the calm I have cultivated when things are not as stressful.  I love to meditate, why not access it now?
    It took about 2 hours of conscious inner relaxation.  The pain was still there, but by not tensing against it, I was not creating more.  Once I got to bed, I slept easily through the night.  I also found that this came in handy when I was running this morning.  Consciously relaxing the muscles that were protesting really works!  I hope this technique will benefit you as well.  Be Blessed!

It's the Little Things

   I'll never forget waking up in October of 1984 to hear that the U.S. had invaded Grenada.  My first thought was "Where in the heck is Grenada?"  but the second was a renewal of my desire to join the Navy.  I wanted to make the world safe for democracy and  President Reagan was paving the way.
   As that day faded into obscurity, becoming a footnote of Reagan's presidency, periodically I wondered if it had been a good idea.  There were 34 people killed and 175 people wounded.  As a mom, it just seems wrong.
      Then I saw something wonderful in the Olympics coverage.  There was a "get to know" piece on Kirani James, who went on to win gold in the 400m.  Did you know, in Grenada, they celebrate the invasion as Thanksgiving Day. As I watched the piece I couldn't stop crying. Are those deaths justified, I don't know.  Are they honored, absolutely.  I had no idea there was any inner conflict, but there you are.
     It is one of the seldom mentioned side effects of taking an energy healing class like I described yesterday. Not only do you learn to heal others, you are healed yourself.  In the midst, I'm still trying to finish all the case studies. My husband calls it drinking through a fire hose.
    So back to this invasion, how is it a little thing?  Well, in the big sweep of history, it is.  Neither of my teenage sons (one in college and one a senior in high school) had even heard of it.  The big sweep of history is like the whirlwind of work and learning I created by taking this class.
     This picture is one more of those little things.  It is my one of my favorites from our Chicago trip.  We were in Millennium Park.  Home of many beautiful public spaces.  This weed, randomly planted by the wind, was the best part of the park to me.  The effervescent, explosive shape and way that it caught the light was visible from the other side of the park even though it was only 7 inches tall.  Is the midst of life's swirl, it is important to notice the beautiful little things.
     Today one of my sons and I were taking a long walk, each of us needing to clear our heads from our studies, and we found a new path in the woods!  Okay, new to us.  But we have lived here for 18 years and the path is within 100 yards of our house.  We had both walked by it many times over the years.  When the woods wrapped around us we slowed down and stopped talking.  We were just present to the moment, living in now.  Now felt pretty good. Today truly became our Thanksgiving Day.
   

A Little Time Off

    I woke up this morning, had a great run, then turned into a crazy woman.

The dirty kitchen was unbearable, etc. etc. etc. Sorry, boys, I really took it out on you.  Eventually we worked it out through funny music, the icanhasacheezburger website and a bit of cleaning.  Later I wondered why I turned into such a beast, especially just after a run when I usually feel great.

      All this changing is hard work.  I know a belief is only an idea or thought that I accept to be true.  That last bit is the hard part.  It is hard to change what we accept.  I felt like this picture (really the cheezburger website is great!)

   It is a little strange in this metaphor that I am both the cat and the master, but there is energy work for you. When I am alone (without my teenage sons who always have the next funny website), I'll play happy music or use guided meditation.
    Here is my one of my favorite relaxing guided meditations, from Louise Hay's Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook (Insight Guide)

Here’s an exercise you can do to help you let go and relax:

As you read this exercise, take a deep breath, and as you exhale, allow the tension to leave your body. Let your scalp, forehead, and face relax. Your head need not be tense in order for you to read. Let your tongue, throat, and shoulders relax, Let your back, abdomen, and pelvis relax. Let your breathing be at peace as you relax your legs and feet.

Can you feel a noticeable change in your body since you started reading the previous paragraph? In this relaxed, comfortable position, say to yourself:

“I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all tension. I release all fear. I release all anger. I release all guilt. I release all sadness. I let go of old limitations. I let go, and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with the process of life. I am safe.”

Go over this exercise two or three times. Repeat it whenever thoughts of difficulty come up. It takes a little practice for the routine to become a part of you. Once you’re familiar with this exercise, you can do it anywhere at any time. You will be able to relax complete in any situation.

This meditation relaxes and makes me feel powerful.  One last powerful cat picture.  I really do look amazing in the mirror.

  This morning, as I was trotting around the neighborhood, I was contemplating my quote for the week.  I knew I wanted something about serenity.  Last year I realized that serenity for me is very different from what most people think.  Though the image is usually meditation in a peaceful garden, mine is quite a bit louder.  There is quite a bit of joy and and a thread of laughter in my personal serenity. 

   The dictionary definition is "The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled: "an oasis of serenity"." (google's definition).   This definition definition definitely has room for joy.  As I crested the first major hill (our neighborhood has only two directions, up or down), I was thinking about the time for serenity.  Tho only answer is now, amidst whatever is going on in life.  

     So often we get caught up in the "I'll be happy when..." syndrome.  Fill in the ellipsis with whatever your current phrase is; when I loose 20 pounds, when the kids are out of the house, whey we have kids, when I have money, whatever.  

    I may never run the 5k of my dreams, but my legs are working a lot better than they were when I began the couch to 5k program on April 30th.  I realized that I had found my serenity in this moment.  It reminded me of this picture I took in 2007.  It's still my neighborhood.  I still got pretty wet that day.  The bush in the foreground still needs to be trimmed.  Wouldn't you rather look at the rainbow?  
    What we look out on determines our outlook.  After I got home from today's run,I found the quote to capture my feeling...

"Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is."

-Thomas Szasz

     (I can't seem to fix the font and size, I think we should call it a feature rather than a flaw) I'm trying something new.  Each week I print my quote and post it on my wall to organize my week.  I've posted it on Google docs.  Click here to open, then Control S to download, or open then click on file and then download in the drop down menu.  Hopefully this will be easier next time... Blessings and have a great week.

Be Yourself, cont.

                One last thought from the “I sure have not done enough with my life” whine fest.  God keeps sending messages.  Yesterday I went to the library to pick up a book for my son and found that a friend who works there had reserved a book for me, Sister Theresa: the Woman Who Became Saint Theresa of Avila.  He thought I might appreciate it and rightly so. 

                I couldn’t put the book down.  There were so many ways to enjoy it. Most importantly, it slammed the door on my inner complaint department.  At one point in the novel, Saint Teresa is depressed.  She says “… now He seems to have forgotten me.  Don’t you ever feel that way, Angelica?  Like God has abandoned you?”  Her companion answers, “You can’t force God’s hand.  Leave things alone for a little while.  Don’t try to do God’s work for Him, Theresa.  God knows what He’s doing.  Leave things to Him.”   With those lovely thoughts, I leave you with hopes for days of restful, peaceful good work, leaving worry over results in His hands.