It's Worth the Pain

      This morning I was at the vet with my cat, Joy.  Let's just say she was less than thrilled.  She was in for a recheck of dermatitis on her chin.  A few weeks ago she had scratched her chin hard enough to draw blood.  What we had not really noticed was how she slowed down, stopped playing.  I marked it down to age.
        Ten days and a few antibiotics later, Joy is running around like a mad woman.  With all this joy also has come two vet visits, 4 shots, oral and topical medicine twice a day.  It is such a strong parallel to my feelings about 2012.  There has been progress, I am feeling better, but there has been unpleasantness along the way.  The cage I have felt was for my own good, but seriously, ick!

       This was the year I tried to do all the business stuff by the books.   I bought a professional website, started a blog, made a professional Facebook page (or two), bought the computer software... (I could go on, but you get the picture.)  The business had always done well enough, but never well.  I was going to make it shine (and hopefully pay for college...).  It was kind of like this puzzle.  All of the pieces are bright and shiny, but they are in a remarkable jumble.

      The good news is that persistence pays off.  The pieces are beginning to fit and form something.  It will be interesting to see what it is.  All of the computer work has turned into creating a blog for my friend.  Today's post about the Mayan calendar is great.  For me the Great Transformation that everyone is talking about this year, has been in how I look at things.  I've learned how to relax and be at peace in a lot of situations that I really wish I wasn't in.  It has been on the job training of the worst sort, but now, I'm getting pretty good at it.  I also have a lot of tools to give to my clients and students.
     Can't wait until 2013 to see what the puzzle looks like!

Let Me In!

 There has been a cardinal hanging around the choir area in our church for nearly a year.  In the springtime, when energy is high, the cardinal flies into the window, demanding entrance with her wings.  Now that we are deeply into fall, she sits and pecks at the window or hops around trying to get in.  These pictures are taken over the course of an hour. She is so persistent.
     The more I watched her, the more I began to identify with her.  This year has been the year of 'trying hard.'  Now, as we all know, the problem with trying means that you are not doing. I 'tried' to do things the way you are 'supposed' to do them.  I had high hopes, but lets just say 2012 has been a learning experience rather than a success.

      Back to the bird, not only did I love the bird for her persistence, but I really began to enjoy her company.  I had gone to church early and was waiting for practice.  I had a book, but it was cold and I was a bit lonely.  She brightened my day.  As I focused on her quest, I didn't notice the cold.
      She also made me think.  Two days before I had a business meeting about something I was dissatisfied with.  Now, I know in any relationship, both parties are responsible for the success or failure, but I just couldn't see what I was doing wrong.  Everything looked right on the surface.  I was working hard, what was wrong?  Turns out, I had a lot in common with the cardinal.

     This cardinal is never going to make it into church through these windows unless we break one of the panes.  The windows don't open.  If she flew around  to the front, we could let her in.  This business thing was a lot like that.  No matter how hard I flew at it, no amount of effort would get me where I wanted to go.  A redirection of effort has yielded immediate results.  Who knew?
      The best part of the story remains the pleasure the cardinal has given me in the course of the afternoon (and judging from the responses to my Facebook post, for many people over the year).  Yes, she gave me a lot to think about as well, but isn't it nice to know that even amidst our difficulties, we bring pleasure to others.  Making the world a brighter place is no small thing.
      If you look at life from a deathbed perspective (do I have good relationships with my family? was I kind to the grocery store check out lady? did I love the cat?),  my 2012 has been a success.  It is a good perspective to take because these are the permanent fixtures in life, not how much money we make, how much we weigh, or does this dress make me look fat.  I am so grateful for the lessons given to me by the 'unsuccessful' cardinal.  In my book, her 2012 was a grand success.

Dance, Baby Dance

Easter, 2010

          Want to stay young? Keep the mind vigorous? Stave off Alzheimer's?  Everyone recommends taking up a new hobby.  I say look to your past for something you have stopped doing.  This year I've found what's old is new.
       Over the years, somehow I learned to sit down and shut up.  Talk about giving up on my gifts.  I remembered to walk, but forgot to dance.  I remembered to talk, but not to sing.  Somehow I became embarrassed about it all.  Who knew?  It seems like the free person on our left only comes out for the holidays like a good dress, then goes back into the closet until the next festive event.
       As I write this, I'm at church and the preschoolers are practicing for their Christmas program.  It's adorable, but they are also learning to conform.  Now this is a big overstatement, but there is this feeling of sit down and shut up (except when I tell you to stand up and perform).  It's important to society that we learn how to be polite and respectful of others, but it can be taken way too far.  Turns out, that's just what I did.
       As we approach the new year, it is a great time to look at our lives, maybe see a few things that we have given up, some of that zest for life that has been lost.  Now, identifying the problem is not nearly enough.  To remedy the situation, we need a plan.  Make a regular, public commitment that will restore the smile to your face.

this is about what I sound like now...
(clip art from Fiddler's Crossing)

        I had never made a New Year's resolution before, but last January I chose 3 areas of my life that I felt I had "given up" on.  I resolved to be a better friend, learn how to sing, and remember how to write.  All things I had given up in the pursuit of being a great parent.  Totally unnecessary, but if you watch What Not To Wear, apparently it is quite common. It was time to become a beginner again.
       What is so cool is that I have made progress in all of the areas.  For me the key was to make the commitments public.  If you set a weekly date to meet a friend, she is likely to make you stick with it, just like an accountability buddy when you run.  I also joined the choir. Even when there are 10 other people singing your part, it is important to the group that you show up for practice and church.  Peer pressure works. As for writing, this is my 127th post. I'm getting somewhere on that promise too.
        It's time to begin thinking about this next year.  I've been tossing around ideas- learning to improve my website, committing to dancing and playing games, I'm not sure yet.  Right now anything is possible for 2013 and I'm so excited.

Beat Army, sir!

25th Company, Plebe summer 1984

Army Navy game.  One of my favorite sporting events of all time.  Even as you read this, the energy and craziness are building at both academies in preparation for the game on December 8^th. 

     When I was inducted into the Naval Academy in 1984, my uncle described it as entering a place where they “took away all of your God-given rights and gave them back to you one at a time as privileges.”  Here we are about a month into Plebe Summer. (Freshmen are called plebes, a short version of plebeian  referring to our lowly state.) I'm behind the camera, somehow off slacking in my room while my company mates are working in the sun...

that same group under the influence of the game

     Plebe year is all about conforming, following orders and learning. Every once in a while, they unleash the beasts and it gets really crazy.  This is the same group during the week before the Army Navy game.  The feet in the middle belong to our midshipman company commander who is about to get his head stuck in the toilet.  Glad I was behind the camera again.  Notice all the upperclassmen rooting the plebes on.

     This week was always one of my favorite of the whole year.  I love pranks and they abounded.  Unfortunately, though my love of pranks is great, it is not matched up with a good poker face.  I got away with a few dirty tricks, but most were quickly uncovered. Retaliation was swift to follow.

payback is hard to clean up

   Thinking about it now, I don't think there was a can of shaving cream or baby powder left in Annapolis during the run up to the game.
     My favorite teacher plebe year had to be in Chemistry.  He came into class and asked us if it was hot in here.  He said the Army got him so mad he was hot, then proceeded to strip off the top half of his uniform revealing a Beat Army tshirt. I also got A's on a Chemistry quiz for  all of my classmates by going down to the front and leading a cheer.

best ransom note ever!

      Some of the tricks were a little gentler.  Almost every year my stuffed animals either committed suicide or were placed in compromising positions.  At right is my all time favorite ransom note.
       As you may have figured out, I was a cheerleader.  This lovely action shot below of a punt in the 1984 game is graced by two cheerleaders in the upper right.  I'm the one in the skirt.

In the last 10 years, the Navy has been on a winning streak.  Given the picture below, I'm thinking we are safe again...

BEAT ARMY!

Obama vs Romney with a Grain of Salt

   By this time, you are probably burned out on election day emails and commercials (and phone calls!), but I feel the need to inject a little levity into the debate.  We are all so polarized and so sure we are right!  I have to admit, when I look at my voting record and where it has gotten my beloved country, I know I need to be a bit less biased and take it all with a grain of salt.
     Here are a few memes I found to add some laughter to the final hours before the polls open.  It was hard to find some that were just funny because everyone is so angry and impassioned.  My first selection honors college students everywhere who know what a great deal they have in college and just want life to stay that way...

      Joe Biden is possibly my favorite politician, ever.  He is always surprising and interesting even when I completely disagree.  I have no idea how someone who consistently speaks his mind has made it so far, but while he would make a fun dinner companion, maybe not such a great running mate....

     It was hard to find a Republican answer to the Democratic meme above.  All of the memes with Romney felt mean spirited (not to say that most of them with Obama weren't), so I had to settle for this one using a photo of Ryan...

       I leave you with a few words from Albert Mohler, the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Semenary...

May God bless America, not because this nation deserves to be blessed, but because He is a God of grace and mercy.  Oh God . . . save us from ourselves.

Now...

How Did I Become a Liberal?

   As the election approaches there is more political news than I care to follow.  Each candidate from dog catcher to president is saying what they think most of us want to hear.  There is something lovely that comes from all this strife, however.  Each bit of news and each commercial opens an opportunity to look inside, to notice what we really think about issues and how we arrive at these conclusions.
    I have arrived at a stunning conclusion.  I have discovered that, at heart, I am a liberal.  Not a Democrat. Not a Republican.  I find value in both parties.  I find problems in both parties. The greatest value I have found however, resides inside.
  What makes this such a shock is that all of my life I have been a closet (or not so closet) conservative.  I'm not really talking politics, more of a life philosophy.   Though it constantly surprises friends, I have a really hard time changing.  My mind says "Yes! Go out there and learn something new.  Be different." but my inner most heart says "Change in scary.  Even if this is bad, it is the bad I know..."
  This is the year I have dedicated to the affirmation, "I am willing to change."  It takes conservativism and throws it out the window. Aak!  There are times that I wonder if it is such a good idea, but I found a very interesting article that expresses my inner motivations in a way that I have no words for.   Though he is talking about politics, the feelings expressed are why I feel change in all aspects of our lives is so vital.

The pessimist-conservative can stand athwart history and yell stop, confident that change will only make things worse.  Liberals, however, have to wrestle with the- yes, sometimes naive- desire to make things better.  We see consumerism and call for ad-free public televieion programming. We see environmental depredation and call for carbon taxes... Our answers may sometimes be wrong, but they express a faith... in man's ability to improve his lot.- excerpted from "Old Glory" by Nick Baumann in Commonweal Magazine

    In this season of great change, I hope you find your  inner liberal, your belief that the world can become a better place.  This place of optimism allows for healing and growth.  Be Blessed.

Confused? That's a Good Thing

            I have had a very frustrating afternoon!  I'd bet many of you have been here as well.  So far, two clients have cancelled, I'm having problems with some office stuff I paid a lot of money for, etc, etc, etc.  I could go on, but you probably would click on to the next website.
             When I just sat down to think about it, I couldn't get a handle on what is wrong.  Is it just me?  So I ran myself on the Nu|vision.  This is a program that scans your energy field to assess your overall well being (for more information contact me using this link).  The item that really resonated with me was this phrase...

Healing Process Sign - Confusion, breaking down of old emotional patterns. This can be experienced as chaos because of the unfamiliarity of true emotional reality

     It was like looking at the fall foliage.  The photo on the left is a picture of one of our maple trees.  When I look at the top leaf (representing my afternoon, of course), it is pretty ugly.  There are spots of yellow, green, red and orange.  It is all pretty chaotic.  The background leaves are a little nicer, but in this photo it is hard to ignore the "in your face" leaf.
      When you step back a bit, like the photo on the right, the leaves tell a different story.  The different colors look more like the change of seasons and less like leprosy.  The tree is in the process of change, becoming even more beautiful than it was in the summer.  As I stood in the sun on a beautiful fall day, rather than being inside with my clients, parts of the afternoon started to feel nicer.  I love the sun, being barefoot in October, taking pictures, writing blog posts.  So there are some good things going on in my chaos.
             I know 10 years from now, I'll be able to really step back and see the big picture. All the change that 2012 has brought into my life will have a bit of perspective.  It's like looking at my old journals.  Each time I get the old ones out, I think "I believed that?" and "That was my response?"  I'm always grateful to be where I am now, never wanting to go back to the past.
              Until then I need to be patient, continually remembering this year's affirmation, "I am willing to change."  One day I'll see this afternoon like this, a beautiful blaze of glory....

Who Am I Now?

    So often we look at a challenge and say, "I can't (or won't) do that!"  Insert whatever you would like for "that."   Unfortunately I say this all the time in the back of my head.  The front, active part of my mind embraces challenges, signs up for new classes, tries the new things.  The back of my mind digs its heels in.  I found the perfect image on Flickr from Velo abzug.

   This little guy's face describes how I feel sometimes.  I want to hike instead of run.  I want to let go of my childhood books.  I want to learn how to really use my voice.  The list is endless, but interesting.  What I love about energy healing is that I learn to use different techniques to overcome my inner square wheel.

     Recently (okay, yesterday), I went through most of the books in our house to find a large group to get rid of.  The recent influx of furniture has moved a large bookshelf into my son's room and made a need in the basement to store some family heirlooms.  The books had to go.  In my searches, I found one of my favorite  childhood books. Crispan Magicker by Mark M Lowenthal, published in 1979.

    Of course, I reread the book and looked the author up on Wikipedia.  This was the author's only fantasy novel.  His other works were about U.S. Intelligence and, of all things, the t.v. show Jeopardy.   Talk about change and finding a new path.  What if our reluctance to find a new path leaves us stuck in fantasy land?

   Today's yoga class was challenging.  I asked students to look at the world in a new way.  We did a variety of twists and hip openers that were not easy.  I hate to admit the number of times where I said "Do this, I'll watch."  Let's just say that I love to keep all my problems in my hips and I love to have students who can do the things I describe!  In my home practice (and in my home life), I use techniques like relaxation and Jin Shin Jyutsu to help me change.  Here's a link to the two techniques.  Nothing is complete alone, we all need help.  Let me know if these work for you.

I Am Willing to Change! Part Two

  (So yesterday I left you hanging, I was having a bit of a time getting the photos off my phone.  Fortunately, the photos are beginning to trickle in.)
     The longer I practice reiki and other forms of healing, the more I have realized that the body resembles the earth.  In the mid 1800's as Pasteur developed his germ centered disease theory, Prof Louis-Claude Vincent took very similar data and came to slightly different conclusions.  Yes, streptococcus bacteria causes strep throat, but Vincent says if the body is out of balance, it creates a home to nurture disease.  The longer I work with healing, the more I agree with Vincent.  As a college student, any time I was tested, I had a positive strep test without ever getting the symptoms like my friends.
     In creating our new "park" in the back yard, we followed the same steps that I recommend to clients who have long term health issues.  Begin by identifying what you would like to change.  In my yard, it was a work intensive garden that had no comfortable place to sit and enjoy.  In my life it is a laundry list of little symptoms that add up to hormonal imbalance (yes, I know, shocking for a 45 year old....).

    In yesterday's work, I showed pictures of the ground work being laid, but couldn't show you what we decided to save.  Here you see two of the three trees that we saved while putting in the patio.  It is like looking at my own body.  There is a lot of living in this body to create the hormonal imbalance that I am experiencing.  Do I want to give up my past and become a high school student again? Absolutely not. I keep my past, put it in perspective, then create something wonderful out of it.

       Notice how carefully the ground is being prepared.  The forms have loads of reinforcement and gravel is only in the low spots (on the right of the picture).  This is like the preparation work we do in healing.  Keep a temperature log (to see if your body runs cold), check your pH first thing in the morning (to see if your body is acidic).  Take Chem X or Metal X to get rid of the metals and chemicals that prevent healing.  Then it is time to create the life you want.

  Start with the remedies you need (for our garden it was a lot of concrete).  Remember your long term goal, because the remedy may cause a bit of havoc.  This truck broke off many limbs of by fringe tree (Chionanthus virginicus), but look at what started to grow....

         Another part of the healing process is detox.  The body gets rid of things that no longer serve.  This can be through excretory processes or through emotional release.  Though I have done this many times with my body, I was absolutely horrified when the concrete truck cleaned it's chute into my back yard.

     I went into my house so that I didn't have to watch.  It was all cleaned up by my excellent contractors, but the process was awful.  It was like watching pus being drawn out of an infected wound, necessary in the long run, but difficult in the present.
    Of course, the patio is still in process.  The concrete has set enough to walk on, but there is still clean up and beautification to do.  For our park we need benches and flower pots and a fire pit (and anything else I can dream up).  Again, just like healing.  I've finished the first round of remedies to remove some underlying causes, now it is time for the next.  I leave you with a picture of the brand new patio with a 20 year old bench.... It's not beautiful, but it is great to sit on in the morning and drink hot lemon water.

I Am Willing To Change!

     Everyone got it right!  2012 is a year of Great Transformation. This is the time to use my favorite Louise Hay affirmation, "I am willing to change." Now, I'm not a believer in the end of the world, but I know that my world is changing remarkably (with one child in college, the other going next year and lots of other changes, one could say it is the end of my world as I knew it). Think R.E.M.

    Our entire house and property is in a state of upheaval.  We brought home furniture from our trip to New Jersey.  It is all lovely and fits into the house much better than I expected.  However, it has necessitated rearranging almost every room in the house.  Two rooms are completely finished.  I love them.  Those others, not so much.  They will be great soon (or as soon as I get to work).  The funny thing about this change is it is just work, not upsetting, just irritating in the fact that the living room is full of books and the parlor with pictures and our bedroom with.... (you get the picture).
   To add the cherry atop the sundae of change, we have been trying to find a contractor to put in a back patio for us the whole spring and summer and Friday it finally happened. On Friday morning our back corner looked like this...

  It began life about fifteen years ago as a beautiful English style garden, complete with vegetable patch.  When the kids were small we would spend hours in the back yard playing and gardening.  As they grew and life happened things have changed.  Since I knew we would dig the whole thing up, this year I didn't pull a single weed and boy does it show.  The only things we wanted to keep were the three redbud trees I had planted to honor my dad.  He died in springtime just as the redbuds peaked.  The last week he was alive I put over 700 miles on my car just driving to and from the hospital and dropping the kids off with friends.  That week I spent a lot of time admiring the redbuds along the 275 loop around Cincinnati.
      So, we were changing, getting rid of things that no longer served us (the garden) while keeping the things we loved (the trees).  Sound a bit like energy healing and growing up?  When we set off to make a change for the better, the first thing we need is the proper tools.  If you've ever had a session with me, you know I use my Nu|vision computer system, Biogenesis tools and healing crystals.  To fix this backyard, we needed 6 men and a Bobcat.

   In under an hour, my once beautiful, now weedy English garden was a pile of refuse. Though I kept portions of all the plants, it was hard to see the remainder discarded.  It is like when a child goes to college.  It is good for both you and your child.  Usually there have been years of straining the bonds of civility.  It doesn't make driving away with the adult child in your rearview mirror any easier.  Fortunately we have pictures from all the Easter egg hunts and good times that were had in the garden (when it was a child as well).

   Acknowledging that is time for a change can be challenging, but this spring we decided what we were looking for was more of a park than a garden.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a place that was restful and beautiful, a place where we could entertain and enjoy? Absolutely.  The tear down is the first step.  Friday we ripped off the band-aid.

Defying the Law of Gravity

       Today I went to the funeral of a long time friend.  He and his wife made my life happier.  I had first met them when they joined our parish.  We hosted one of the parish welcome dinners.  It was such a good night, I even remember everything that I prepared.  We were not long returned from Italy, so it was three kinds of pasta, two meat dishes and a vast variety of contorni and deserts.  We ate and drank and laughed ourselves silly.
       As a member of the funeral choir,  I have been to many, many funerals.  This had the best readings, the most thoughtful songs, the most meaningful homily.  The reading from Revelations really stuck with me.  "There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Rev 21: 4)  As the old order passes away it is time to question which things to keep and which to cast aside.  As I talked about on Tuesday, my current affirmation is "I am willing to change."  Being willing to change is releasing the attachments of the old order; body image, how to measure success, how to live.

       This picture from icanhasacheesburger.com, really captures the feeling of anything goes.   Basement cat (the name for any black cat) has made an amazing choice.  He defies gravity.  I'm not sure what my next choice will be, but I hope it is as bold as his.

Reiki and Affirmations

2012.  A time of great change.  Everyone agrees.  It doesn’t seem to matter if you are trying to fix the Euro or following the Mayan calendar.  This is the year to take us all by storm.

This morning I heard a wonderful piece on Nora Ephron, an American filmmaker and author who died today.  I don’t have the exact quote but she was talking about how aging is one of those things that you think happens only to other people.  What a surprise when that is not true.  I feel the same way about 2012 and the Great Transformation.  Wasn’t I just going to observe it?  Turns out, it has been more like standing in a tunnel with an oncoming train.

With each challenge, opportunity also enters.  This year of great challenge has lead to experimenting with reiki and energy work like never before.  Some of my old tricks are not enough to keep up with where I am going, so I have been trying new things like using reiki to empower affirmations.  In the past I have used affirmations from Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)  and in giving attunements, but I have never used the same one for more than a few days.  This year I have given my affirmations quite a workout.

Change has always been difficult for me.  I’m the one searching out the new thing, trying the next step, but there is a well of reserve within me.  Have you ever gone to preschool and watched a child pulled away from the parent, apparently inconsolable?  If you watch them for a few minutes, soon the tears dry and the child engages in the classroom.  When it comes to change, I am both the child and the teacher trying to pull the child away.  Let’s just say it’s hard to play both sides at the same time.

Over the years I have sent loads of reiki, taken remedies and meditated, trying a variety of solutions.  Each of these has only been marginally effective.  When I tried Access Hanna Express, I was given the affirmation “I am willing to change.”  When I read it, I had the same feeling as putting on a great pair of jeans or my most comfortable shoes.  It fit perfectly.

I began work with it about a week ago.  I could feel the energy shifting as I said it aloud and gave it energy.  The first thing I noticed is that it would resolve minor physical complaints, like a stomach ache I didn’t know that I had until it went away.  The little things that the body does to tell us we are going astray.  The big confirmation came yesterday.  Tuesday is yoga day for the blog, so I teach a class in the morning, then tape and post a YouTube video of some aspect of that class in the afternoon and evening.  As I was watching one of the takes for the video, my first thought was how good I look. Now, just between you and I, my flaws are many and varied, but they were not my first impression.  Rather than finding faults, I saw strengths. 

That little affirmation, 5 short words, changed a major bias.  Our society is obsessed with perfection; the perfect face, the perfect voice, the perfect demonstration.   After years of standing in the mirror saying “I love you” to myself, it turns out, I do.  What a great place to be.

New Year, New You

                Eat right.  Lose weight.  Exercise.  Practice gratitude.  Save more. Find love. Volunteer.

                Every year the gyms are packed in January, but by March you have your own row of treadmills.  We all have observed this.  Unfortunately, I’ve seen it from both the still at the gym and the back to the couch potato sides.  Why is it the things we want so much are so hard to get?  The short answer iswillpower.  Roy F.  Baumeister and John Tierney wrote the book on it: Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. 

                This book is so interesting I couldn’t put it down.  It is full of scientific studies backing up some very interesting conclusions.  There were so many studies I was wondering how any college student makes it to class rather than participate in a research study.  The good news is all those college students have something to teach their elders- willpower is like a muscle and can be strengthened by continuous small exercises of self- restraint.

                Researchers Mark Muraven, Roy Baumeister and Dianne Tice discovered that having the subject work on posture (forming a good habit) was far more effective at increasing willpower than working on maintaining a positive attitude.  Turns out that after two weeks of exercising self restraint, the subjects increased their willpower stamina.  Think of turning your 5k run into a 10k in only two weeks.

                This sounds good, but how to move from lab to life is a good question.  I’m testing out a few methods.  My favorite so far is Habits Pro, an iPad app.  You can enter any number of habits you’d like to form.  Mine range from the mundane- make bed, take vitamins- to the sublime- use BioGenesis tools to create and send 10 minutes of reiki to my students.  I know the cats have appreciated me keeping up with their box. 

There are two features that make this app a success for me.  With the app closed, there is a red badge in the upper right hand corner that tells me how many more tasks I have left (though many days I’d appreciate a green badge saying how many I finished instead). Also, as each habit is checked off either yes (big green checkmark) or no (big red x), there is immediate feedback.  The feeling of a gold star in the copy book is great!