What is love? On Valentine's Day, it seems like an excellent question. I have had a life surrounded by love (many thanks to all). I have had the love of my family and friends and, of course, the wonderful love of my husband and children. I have so many love stories.
Last weekend's yoga class with Sianna Sherman is also a love story, though perhaps not it the way you would imagine. For almost all of these classes with traveling teachers, I come alone. It feels like everyone else is there with friends, except me.
Now, I know this is not true, but our perception (not our intellect) is our reality. So here I was, in this full weekend of classes that were going to be so hard, all alone. As the class began to fill, a woman and her friend put down mats beside mine. Sianna's classes are popular, so the room is very full. There was about six inches between my mat and her's.
So I introduced myself, she said "Hi, I'm....." and turned back to her friend. Putting myself in her shoes, totally appropriate, but from my perspective I was now not one of the 'cool kids.' I knew I was wrong, but there it was. I spent some time feeling a bit hurt as they chatted their way through the opening moves.
Then it was time to become childlike without being childish. Children are open to all of the options, always letting life develop rather than freezing into one sad moment. I decided that I would love her. Just spend my practice time in love rather than in loneliness. Through two and a half hours of serious sweat and heart-opening poses, I stayed in the feeling of love. Nothing specific, but just the idea that we are all one and everyone is lovable. It was a bit selfish. If I am feeling love, I definitely am not feeling lonely.
We broke for lunch and then it was back to two and a half hours of hip openers. This means moving into one another's physical space, not more six inches separation and still no small talk. I just kept loving her. By the end of the class the barriers had slowly fallen, I had become a person. Now, when we fell it was funny and being so close was comfortable. When we laid down for savasana, as she relaxed her hand gently rolled out to brush mine and she did not move it away.
I had this unbelievable experience of we are all one. Everyone in the room was lifting me up and I was in turn lifting them. Love didn't need to change everyone, all it needed to do was change me. Happy Valentine's Day.
(Sorry I'm a bit behind, my 2013 is going well, but in my extended family and friends there have been several crises. What is so interesting is this post become more on point with each death and dilemma that faces us...So from January 3rd, here it is...)
Last night I was out walking, admiring all the Christmas decorations. The night was cold and clear, but I was all bundled up, so the contrast was marvelous. It is the best time to be alone in the midst of civilization.
In the middle of a particularly dark stretch, I noticed a small, white shape on the side walk. When I bent down, I realized it was a small dong. The poor thing was shivering with cold, not even making a sound. I picked the little guy up and set off for the nearest house with lights on (at this point I realized how few people keep on lights at all). Luckily for all of us (especiallly the dog) this was his house. The owners were so excited, they came out barefoot to scoop hum out of my arms. As I walked away, I reflected on what makes a life worthwhile. From the inside it is difficult to see the value in our own lives. Surely others can see how wrong we are, how many mistakes we make on a daily basis... If you look on it from the outside, it looks very different. For that dog, on that day, I was a savior. Not a bad way to justify my existence.
When we assess our lives, we tend to look for the home runs, the big stuff, and if we can't find it, our lives are not good enough. Life, however, is a team sport. It's not my job to make sure the dog never gets away again, rather, it is to be helpful in a time of need, then step away. To judge a life from the perspective of love, to look for what has gone well, for the kindnesses done, then you can see that you are a gift indeed.
After Thanksgiving dinner, as we all sat around rubbing our bellies, my brother pulled out a group of quotes. He is a cross country coach and gives them out before each meet. Here's the one we were given...
There isn't a person anywhere who isn't capable of doing more than he thinks he can."- Henry Ford
For me, the clear message here is not just the possibility of doing more, but also, to choose wisely where we do more. If I go to church, and don't like the message, do I spend more time bad mouthing the speaker or trying to love him? Loving what drives you crazy, now that is doing more and doing it well.
Happy Thanksgiving! As I sit to write, the first pie is out of the oven with more to come. I just love a holiday all about food and family, from the families we were born in to the families that we create. I was blessed to be born into a large crazy family. My Grandma, Henrietta, lived with us 4 days a week, and this Norman Rockwell painting shows how she would cut the edges of the crust off the pie. It was one of the great goals of my life to be able to hold that pie up and cut off the edges. Thanks, Grandma. Here is a picture of as her with the grandkids in 1973 (yours truly is sitting front and center in the yellow dress).
Those families we create are next on my gratitude list. My little family began in Cincinnati (with just me), but over the years has grown. I have cooked turkeys in Annapolis, the Philippines, Sicily, Florida, Cincinnati and Florence. In each place there has been a wonderful gathering of people to share it with. My favorite turkey was one in Sicily. It was the first with one of those red buttons that pop to tell you the turkey is finished. The darn thing stayed firmly in the turkey after three or four hours (it felt 5 hours...). I actually called Mom back in the States. Calm and collected, she said stop worrying, just shake the leg, see if it's loose. Can you imagine getting a call from your frantic daughter six time zones away? Thank God for my mom.
I also give thanks for all of the things I have learned this year and especially to my teachers:
JoAnn, Wendy, and Sianna in various classes
my friends at bible study who continue to expand my mind
my students; yoga, reiki and others
most of all, my family, Greg, John, Daniel and Joan
My teachers also come to me through books. From Pavel Tsatsouline, who teaches how real men stretch, to Steven Pinker, who proves the decline in violence, to Susan Cain, who taught me that I was an introvert, I am truly grateful. (By the way, her book got me interested in the Meyers Briggs personality test. Turns out I am an INFJ which is only one percent of the population. It explains a lot of things and frees me to be myself. What a gift!)
from Carlos Flores, USNA class of 1988
My next offer of gratitude is for those who serve our country in the military. The definition for veteran: someone who has written a check, payable to “The United States of America”, for any amount up to, and including, their life. This post from August is about our gift of Thanksgiving to the country of Grenada by invading in October of 1984. I am especially grateful for those who continue to serve, keeping our family gatherings possible through your service.
A small side note of gratitude goes to my internet. I have been having problems until this morning. Let's just say I have 13 draft posts and four more rough ideas caught in the files of my computer.
One final note of gratitude goes to the beloved American Turkey, who gives his life annually that we might have a great dinner.
If you would like the pleasure and health benefits of adding a bit of gratitude into your life, let me recommend Happy Rambles. It is an online gratitude journal. Each day they send and email requesting your entry and store your replies online. It makes you realize there are things to be grateful for every day.
P.S. I am truly grateful for my boys who are in the kitchen pealing and chopping potatoes so I can post on my blog. I have been showered with blessings! Happy Thanksgiving!
So often we think of turning the other cheek as being a doormat for Jesus. Isn't that what He said? Well, last Friday I was given a completely different perspective. Rather than being submissive, turning the other cheek is standing your ground and by your refusal to retreat, mirroring your attacker's actions to them. Now that sentence doesn't make sense to me (and I wrote it) but I have some great examples, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Mother Teresa. Talk about two strong, non-violent people who changed the world!
One day, Archbishop Desmond Tutu was walking on a raised walkway beside a muddy street. Approaching from the opposite direction came a white man. The white man told him "I don't make way for gorillas." The archbishop stepped aside, into the mud, made a deep sweeping gesture, and said, "Ah, yes, but I do." What a great way to clarify the situation.
The next story is from the life of Mother Teresa. I had the privilege to work with the Missionaries of Charity (the order she founded) while stationed in the Philippines. I have seen first hand the power of her convictions. If I had to chose one word to describe their common life other than service, it would be pereseverance. This fits in well with being struck on one cheek and offering the other. The story that I was told is that one day Mother Teresa was begging for food for a young child. They had gone to the baker. He flatly refused and even spit on her. Mother Teresa said, "Thank you for the gift for me, now could you please give this child some bread."
I hope this gives you a bit of food for thought, now how to put it into practice....
I woke up this morning, had a great run, then turned into a crazy woman.
The dirty kitchen was unbearable, etc. etc. etc. Sorry, boys, I really took it out on you. Eventually we worked it out through funny music, the icanhasacheezburger website and a bit of cleaning. Later I wondered why I turned into such a beast, especially just after a run when I usually feel great.
All this changing is hard work. I know a belief is only an idea or thought that I accept to be true. That last bit is the hard part. It is hard to change what we accept. I felt like this picture (really the cheezburger website is great!)
It is a little strange in this metaphor that I am both the cat and the master, but there is energy work for you. When I am alone (without my teenage sons who always have the next funny website), I'll play happy music or use guided meditation.
Here is my one of my favorite relaxing guided meditations, from Louise Hay's Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook (Insight Guide)
Here’s an exercise you can do to help you let go and relax:
As you read this exercise, take a deep breath, and as you exhale, allow the tension to leave your body. Let your scalp, forehead, and face relax. Your head need not be tense in order for you to read. Let your tongue, throat, and shoulders relax, Let your back, abdomen, and pelvis relax. Let your breathing be at peace as you relax your legs and feet.
Can you feel a noticeable change in your body since you started reading the previous paragraph? In this relaxed, comfortable position, say to yourself:
“I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all tension. I release all fear. I release all anger. I release all guilt. I release all sadness. I let go of old limitations. I let go, and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with the process of life. I am safe.”
Go over this exercise two or three times. Repeat it whenever thoughts of difficulty come up. It takes a little practice for the routine to become a part of you. Once you’re familiar with this exercise, you can do it anywhere at any time. You will be able to relax complete in any situation.
This meditation relaxes and makes me feel powerful. One last powerful cat picture. I really do look amazing in the mirror.
Today was one of those days. To do list the length of my forearm, woke up
motivated as all get out, but the day was well and fully hijacked by one of my
boys. He had needs that only I could
help him with.
What a great gift for the two of us. It is good to remember that there are things
and people who we would give everything up for (and especially good to remember
it without have a major crisis to change your world view). It is also good to realize that there are
people in this world who would give up anything for us.
Most times we go through life
feeling a bit like the people in this picture.
There are so many of us, we can get lost in the crowd. My beloved piece of this party is standing in
the red shorts on the left. Though part
of the crowd, he has hopes and dreams, good days and bad days. On those days where it feels like everything
is falling apart, other people in the crowd reach out to support.
It reminds me of a movie I saw years
ago. Unfortunately, I can’t find it on
the web. It was about a man who had been an extra in loads of movies. For each film, he had a still photo of the
crowd scene with a big red circle and arrow to himself. Above the arrow, it said “Me.” Though it feels egotistical, truly, the center
of our universe is always “Me.” There is
no other way to see things than through the filter of our own existence. What is special is when those who step into our existence to make it better.
It happens all of the time. I am so blessed to have those to love and be loved by. So often we think we are all alone,
no one cares.It is so important to ask
for help and let ourselves be served sometimes. We all touch one another and are honored to
serve.
I am sitting here, eating breakfast with a smile that goes from my toes to out the top of my head! My egg is delicious! Last night I picked up eggs from a friend of mine who has a large family. The children keep chickens that lay some very happy eggs.
It was so great to pray over them. As I blessed those who “…sowed, harvested, and prepared this food…” I could see the faces of the kids as we talked last night. What a gift I have been given. I hope you all have as good a day as mine has begun.
Why is
it that when the teacher explains that math technique in class it is so easy, and
then when you get home, it is so difficult?
When the yoga instructor makes one subtle adjustment and everything
works, but it is so hard to find at home?
When being with someone you love makes you happy, but being alone is
morose? The answer is entrainment.
Here is Van Morrison’s musical take on entrainment.
He describes how another, in their happiness
and joy of life entrains him into a trance.
The physical expression of this was described by physicist Christian
Huygens in 1666, after he noticed that two pendulum clocks had moved from
out of sync into the same swinging rhythm.
One clock “taught” the other into rhythm.
As a
scientist at heart, I love finding evidence that validates what I “know.” Right
now there is some interesting research proving that entrainment exists between
people, even at a distance. My personal
favorite is from IHM Director of Research Dr. Rollin McCraty. He measured the
connection between his son Josh and the boy’s dog, Mabel. When Josh loved Mabel, it changed both of their
electrocardiogram readings. They became similar in a very good way, becoming
more coherent. Here is the full article http://www.heartmath.org/templates/ihm/e-newsletter/article/2010/spring/pets-making-a-connection.php.
In my
practice I see so many people who feel underutilized, like they are not making
a difference in the world. They have not
cured cancer, or started a charitable organization, or have a high-powered
job. It turns out to change the world,
you don’t have to do any of these things.
The Beatles got it right, all you need is love.
Deep within the centre of my being is an endless source of love. I allow this love to float to the surface. It fills my heart, my body, my thoughts, my consciousness, my being itself and shines out from me in all directions and returns manifold to me.
The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless.
The use of love makes me feel good. It is an outward expression of my inner joy.
I love myself, therefore I take loving care of my body. Lovingly, I feed it with wholesome food and drink. Lovingly, I clothe and care for it and my body reacts lovingly to this with sparkling good health and energy.
I love myself, therefore I provide myself with a comfortable house, which satisfies my every need and in which it is pleasurable to be. I fill the rooms with vibrations of love, so that all who enter, myself included, shall feel this love and be nourished by it.
I love myself, therefore I have a job that I truly love doing and in which I am able to use my talents and creativity. It gives me a good income whilst enabling me to work with and for people I love and who love me.
I love myself, therefore I think and behave in a loving way, because I know that what I give will be returned to me manifold. In my world I attract only loving people, because they are a mirror of what I am.
I love myself, therefore I forgive the past and all past experiences. I let everything go, so that I can be free.
I love myself, therefore I live in reality, experiencing every moment as good and knowing that my future will be glittering, joyful and secure, because I am a beloved child of the Universe and the Universe takes loving care of me now and forever.
That’s the way it is.
”
—
“Love Meditation” by Louise Hay (via day355 on Tumblr), one of my favorites. Another way of looking at the heart. This one is particularly good for people who have a problem charging for their reiki services, since reiki is a gift from God. As they say on the airplane, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help others.
As I
was ruminating on this post today, I was given such an opportunity to practice
what I preach. I was driving a “new to
me” car and was unsure just how much gas might be left in my tank when the gas light
goes on. So I pulled into the nearest
gas station. The station has 18 pumps
and 25 cars jockeying to get in first.
I’m not sure if I have the gas to go anywhere else, so I resolve to wait
(with patience). As I sat there in line,
giving plenty of room for cars to pull out, a little car zooms in and cuts us
all off.
Now
there are several possible reactions to this and much as I hate to admit it, I
took the least attractive option. I gave
the car the evil eye and proceeded to get a good, righteous anger on. In the midst of this revving up to ramming
speed, I remembered my blog post and changed my attitude. At first I just
released caring, but then moved on to loving all of the people at the gas
station. They weren’t any different from
me. We all just wanted to get gas quickly
and get out of there. As I pulled away
with a happy heart I realized the whole maneuver had taken just over 11
minutes. Definitely not worth losing
your inner harmony over.
In yoga
we do heart openers, in BioGenesis creating we feel the warmth of the heart, in
HeartMath we focus on heart coherence, but where to begin to find this feeling
place? How to find ease and harmony with
any situation? Though I had heard all
the words before, tried meditation, practiced yoga, read the books, the first
technique that ever worked for me came from Dr. Amen’s HeartMath. What follows is a summary of his Quick
Coherence Technique and this is a link to the webpage http://www.heartmath.org/free-services/tools-for-well-being/quick-coherence-adult.html.
1. Heart Focus. Focus your attention on the area around your heart,
the area in the center of your chest. If you prefer, the first couple of times
you try it, place your hand over the center of your chest to help keep your
attention in the heart area.
2.Heart
Breathing. Breathe deeply but normally and feel as if your breath is coming
in and going out through your heart area. As you inhale, feel as if your breath
is flowing in through the heart, and as you exhale, feel it leaving through
this area. Breathe slowly and casually, a little deeper than normal. Continue
breathing with ease until you find a natural inner rhythm that feels good to
you.
3.Heart
Feeling. As you maintain your heart focus and heart breathing, activate a
positive feeling. Recall a positive feeling, a time when you felt good inside,
and try to re-experience the feeling. One of the easiest ways to generate a
positive, heart-based feeling is to remember a special place you’ve been to or
the love you feel for a close friend or family member or treasured pet. This is
the most important step.
I am a scientist at heart so I have
included a small explanation of why this works below, copied directly from the
HeartMath store website http://store.heartmath.org/. Please feel free to skip it if this is not
your thing, but give this wonderful method a chance. It can change your life. The least that can happen is restore your
peace of mind and that is no small thing.
The heart is a primary
generator of rhythmic patterns in the human body, and possesses a far more
extensive communication system with the brain than do other major organs. In
addition, the heart plays a particularly important role in the generation of
emotion. With every heart beat, the heart transmits complex patterns of
neurological, hormonal, pressure, and electromagnetic information to the brain
and throughout the body. As a critical nodal point in many interacting systems
- physiological, cognitive and emotional - the heart is uniquely positioned as
a powerful entry point into the communication network that connects body, mind,
emotions and spirit.
Doc Childre and the
research team at the Institute of HeartMath (IHM) have shown that techniques
which combine intentional heart focus with the generation of sustained positive
feelings lead to a beneficial mode of physiological function they have termed
psychophysiological coherence. Correlates of psychophysiological coherence
include a sine wave-like pattern in the heart rhythms, increased heart-brain
synchronization (alpha rhythms become more synchronized to the heart) and
entrainment between heart rhythm patterns, respiration, blood pressure rhythms
and other physiological systems. Although psychophysiological coherence is a
natural state that can occur spontaneously while people are feeling genuine
positive emotions and during sleep, sustained periods are generally rare.
As an interesting side note, my husband had a great example of the difference between our "normal" state and coherence. I love some of the songs from The Pogues, a celtic punk band. One day my husband played me some of their other music...
Here are The Pogues
Here are The Pogues on HeartMath. Reach inside and expand your heart.
There it sits. Staring at me. The world’s ugliest quilt. My friends prized race t-shirts and childhood clothes turned into garbage. Poorly cut and sewn, with added accents of day-glo turquoise and orange. And I said I would fix it!
After two months of planning, deconstruction and re-cutting, I began to rebuild. And discover more problems. No amount of interfacing makes polyester double-knit easy to sew. No amount of prayer can put fabric back on the poorly cut t-shirts. No amount of rearranging is going to change the color palette. So what is a perfectionist to do?
Get Back to Basics- Return to the original goal. The quilt’s owner wants something warm to snuggle under with good memories, not an award winner. I need to see the fabrics through her eyes and love them to life.
Accept Good Enough- These fabrics will always be 79’s vintage, often laundered. I’m not going to get the perfect corners. Seams will not meet, no matter how well pinned. And this is perfect. I have never loved a perfect house, it feels too cold. This will be a warm, comforting quilt.
Breathe- When it doesn’t look right, I resolve to breathe. Nothing that happens here is disastrous. I can rip apart and re-sew, or grow to love what it looks like.
Each Saturday I come to the machine, just like coming to the mat in yoga. I bring the perfectionist mind that I have honed for so many years. I come to be humbled and to learn that “good enough” often is truly good enough.
Here they are, the squares waiting to teach me more....
