Physician, Heal Thyself

Okay, okay, you got me. I am so not a physician. My last biology class was in high school. But it made such a snappy title. I’m about to go to California for some serious deep healing that I’d like to share. Not just for my regular readers, but also for those who are trying to decide about the healing center. I read every blog, watched every YouTube video before making the decision to head west. I hope this helps someone the way that others helped me.To make my decision to go so far away and spend so much money comprehensible, let me give you a little bit of my back story.

When I first got into alternative healing methods, it was as a patient. I needed help. In 2001, I went down the allopathic (MD) route. Lots of drugs, physical therapy, doctor bills, culminating in a shot in the neck. Nothing changed except my bank account. So I began going regularly to my chiropractor and practicing yoga and meditation. I still hurt all the time, but I could function.

I learned enough yoga that I began to teach. The interesting thing was that it kept me mobile, but I never really progressed and it didn’t fix whatever was causing the pain. I was a very good yoga teacher. If the student had the capacity, I could teach them anything. Not that I could demonstrate any of it, but I could talk you through it. The only bad classes I had were when I went with my preset plan rather than creating a class as I taught, basing it on the students who were there.

Still, though, I remained a constant at the chiropractor's office. Though it was not a role I’d choose, I was definitely his retirement plan. Over the years I tried eight different doctors searching for the best fit. The guy I see now really works for me, but unfortunately, since the adjustments never hold, he was just really expensive aspirin. Temporary pain relief. Darn it.

When I found reiki, I thought I’d found the answer. Starting to work at the Victory of Light festival made me realize that it was only part of the solution. Here was a large group of healers, using many modalities, and most were unhappy, unwell, or both. The few who were satisfied with their lives offered great insight. They all came to healing because they needed it, so I was not an anomaly.

Over the years I have done countless hours of reiki and other healing techniques on myself and my clients. I’ve learned and taught lots of other techniques. All helped on the surface. But there was some underlying cause that I just couldn't fix. It just kept getting worse.

It all came to a head about 2 years ago. My body was so bad that I had to stop teaching yoga, could no longer lift heavy things, no more gardening. Every time I tried to do a long walk, not to mention beginning run, I hurt myself. No kidding. I’d get about a quarter of a mile from the house then something would start screaming “If you keep this up, I’m becoming a serious injury.” My bones were so out of place the repetitive motion caused soft tissue damage that lasted weeks, from only that short distance. The worst thing was that the rest of me was completely healthy. I’d become a (mostly) vegan four years earlier. Any problems I had (mostly digestive) slowly cleared up. It felt like I had this amazingly healthy body covered by a malfunctioning exoskeleton. Crazy, right?

And yes, I got depressed. 47 is not the age to stop living, but that’s how it felt. All the obvious physical solutions had failed, so I needed to accommodate spiritually. I didn’t want to be a complainer, so I didn’t tell anyone except one friend. I’m sure it was painfully obvious to my friends and family, but in my pride I cried alone. Turns out, I picked the right person to tell. She offered me four bits of advice to find my own solution and two of them really worked for me.

First thing in the morning I lay in bed and rather than meditate or pray (which is what I always used to do) I imagine I’m God’s messenger, delivering miracles. I start with the people I’m praying for, then move on to let miracles rain down from heaven across the whole world. It totally changes the prayer. Rather than worrying about people as I pray for them, I’m giving help while remaining unattached. It’s great fun. Who wouldn’t want to work for the Big Guy?

The other suggestion that really works is setting aside a specific meditation time where I just hang out with God. I chose 2pm because I usually want a break then. I pull out my zafu or lay down on the floor (depending on how my back etc. feel) and spend twenty minutes with the Lord. Fitbits have a silent alarm system that works really well to give you start and stop times.

The results were amazing. Though the body stayed the same, the spirit was refreshed. Physical problems seldom tarnish my happiness these days. It is wonderful.

I was still searching for the solution to the physical stuff, but not too hard. Then a video was suggested in my YouTube feed. I watched it and was floored. I’ll tell you about what I found in the next post.

Just Send a Little Reiki

Sometimes there is a person in your life who just drives you crazy.  There is no way around it.  The very act of them breathing in a room you are in or sharing electrons on the computer just sets you off.  This is a good time to realize, hey, maybe it’s me.  That person may do many things “wrong” and really need fixing, but the only thing we have power over is our minds and how we react to people and situations. 

Recently I have had this experience with someone I see almost every day.  It seemed like they were always doing things specifically to hurt me or just being inconsiderate.  It got to the point where just thinking about the person was enough to make my blood boil, not a good situation for someone who “sells” peace of mind (through yoga, reiki and meditation).  This needed to be fixed.

I sat with the problem, meditated, prayed, but couldn't see where my change was.  How was I to let go if I couldn't see what I was holding onto?  When the cause is so difficult to determine, I always look to reiki, because it flows to the place where it is needed without guidance.  I decided that each time I got angry, or each time I even thought about the problem, I would use the distance symbol to connect to our relationship then send it reiki.

Let’s just say in the beginning, over the course of a day I would give over 2 hours of reiki to this situation alone (preoccupied? Oh no, not me.  No, never.  Okay, so all the time…).  The relief was almost immediate.  Instead of living in frustration and anger, I would move quickly into a state of flow and calm.  It’s impossible to send reiki and stay irritated.  I hate to admit just how often I sent reiki, but there it is.

 I also decided that it would not be a “sit down and get serious” kind of thing.  I sent reiki while driving, doing the dishes, walking around the house, cooking dinner; all of the situations where the body is moving, but the mind is free to drift. 

I began to see differences in the relationship after a few days.  It was easier to be together, decisions were made in common, I no longer went out of my way to avoid them.  Two weeks later, as I type this, it is difficult to even remember what a deep funk I was in.  Cheaper than therapy, eh?  So, next time you feel this way, rather than “fixing” the other, try taking it easy, living in love rather than marinating in irritation.  Just send a little reiki.  

Help in Tragic Times

       This Sunday, as I looked out over the congregation at church, almost three quarters of the congregation was dressed in either grey or black.  It was shocking to see how deeply the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary penetrated, even if subconsciously. We pray, we send money, but it feels so futile.
        This devastating feeling, like so many other things, changed when I learned reiki.  In reiki level II, we learn to send reiki over a distance to a person, a place, or even a time.  Sending healing energy to a disaster can be quite empowering.  In last Wednesdays post, I talked about how sending reiki can even change your physiology.

       I've done this many times since I first was attuned, but sometimes it gets interesting.  The Fukushima nuclear disaster really hit me personally.  I have strong ties to Japan and Japanese culture through travel and friends.  Many of my Japanese friends had returned home before the tsunami and I couldn't stop worrying about them.  It was time to do something proactive.
       Each morning when I went out on my walk, I would send energy to a general, vague "those poor people suffering and working to fix Japan."  My worry obscured clarity.  So I would send reiki for the hour or so that I was out and about and return home feeling able to set about my day.
        What was interesting over time is how the recipient became more and more clear.  At first it felt like rain, sprinkling over the tsunami victims.  Not necessarily effective, but just the act of giving reiki made me feel better.  As the days and walks progressed, I began to get a feeling of who I was to.  At first it was just a general sense of where, to the north and east in Japan.  Later that it was near Fukushima, but not in the reactor.  By the end it had narrowed down to a specific male aid worker.  I felt, not only at peace, but also like I had made a difference.
         I urge you to experience the peace of praying and sending reiki to the victims at Sandy Hook Elementary, their families, and the entire community.

Sending energy to a disaster area, my experience with the Fukashima earthquake and now to Sandy Hook Elementary

Sometimes Progress Feels Like Retreat

relaxation and rest

    Yeah, it's frustrating.  The world tells you that happiness is where it's at.  Keep a gratitude journal.  Take time to do what you enjoy.  Relax like a cat.  But what happens when your path takes you through darkness?
    The first time I ever experienced this was in a yoga class.  The class was at the old Tri City YMCA, taught by Shalini Latour (aside from being a yoga teacher, she makes gourmet chocolates, yum!).  The class focused on neck position.  In each pose she would talk us into correct placement of the head and shoulders.  About 45 minutes into class I began to cry.  Tears flooded down my face.
        It was like there was a cyst of unhappiness in my shoulder and when the muscles relaxed, it released all of the poisonous emotions stored there.  At the time I was mortified, but everyone just let me be and  I finished the class.  Of course, later I learned that emotions can be stored in the body, and are often expressed on the way out.

Me, trying to get into the Elephant camp
 Chang Mai, Thailand

        At these times, it is important to remember the glass is half full.  Here we are, working so hard to be positive. To get there, sometimes you have to plow through yesterday's troubles to get to tomorrow's peace.
       This picture is of me in Thailand.  It is in 1989 and I am at my young, fit best.  Look at my body posture. I'm terrified.   Notice the fear in my body. This fear (or anger or grief or whatever other emotion) happens all the time.  If you don't let it out, it get's stored in the body.
       It is important to remember that the healing crisis, whether it be physical or emotional, is part of the healing process.  Let the unhappy feelings wash over you, then return to your emotional center, the calm of a cat sleeping, safe and secure.

I Am Willing to Change! Part Two

  (So yesterday I left you hanging, I was having a bit of a time getting the photos off my phone.  Fortunately, the photos are beginning to trickle in.)
     The longer I practice reiki and other forms of healing, the more I have realized that the body resembles the earth.  In the mid 1800's as Pasteur developed his germ centered disease theory, Prof Louis-Claude Vincent took very similar data and came to slightly different conclusions.  Yes, streptococcus bacteria causes strep throat, but Vincent says if the body is out of balance, it creates a home to nurture disease.  The longer I work with healing, the more I agree with Vincent.  As a college student, any time I was tested, I had a positive strep test without ever getting the symptoms like my friends.
     In creating our new "park" in the back yard, we followed the same steps that I recommend to clients who have long term health issues.  Begin by identifying what you would like to change.  In my yard, it was a work intensive garden that had no comfortable place to sit and enjoy.  In my life it is a laundry list of little symptoms that add up to hormonal imbalance (yes, I know, shocking for a 45 year old....).

    In yesterday's work, I showed pictures of the ground work being laid, but couldn't show you what we decided to save.  Here you see two of the three trees that we saved while putting in the patio.  It is like looking at my own body.  There is a lot of living in this body to create the hormonal imbalance that I am experiencing.  Do I want to give up my past and become a high school student again? Absolutely not. I keep my past, put it in perspective, then create something wonderful out of it.

       Notice how carefully the ground is being prepared.  The forms have loads of reinforcement and gravel is only in the low spots (on the right of the picture).  This is like the preparation work we do in healing.  Keep a temperature log (to see if your body runs cold), check your pH first thing in the morning (to see if your body is acidic).  Take Chem X or Metal X to get rid of the metals and chemicals that prevent healing.  Then it is time to create the life you want.

  Start with the remedies you need (for our garden it was a lot of concrete).  Remember your long term goal, because the remedy may cause a bit of havoc.  This truck broke off many limbs of by fringe tree (Chionanthus virginicus), but look at what started to grow....

         Another part of the healing process is detox.  The body gets rid of things that no longer serve.  This can be through excretory processes or through emotional release.  Though I have done this many times with my body, I was absolutely horrified when the concrete truck cleaned it's chute into my back yard.

     I went into my house so that I didn't have to watch.  It was all cleaned up by my excellent contractors, but the process was awful.  It was like watching pus being drawn out of an infected wound, necessary in the long run, but difficult in the present.
    Of course, the patio is still in process.  The concrete has set enough to walk on, but there is still clean up and beautification to do.  For our park we need benches and flower pots and a fire pit (and anything else I can dream up).  Again, just like healing.  I've finished the first round of remedies to remove some underlying causes, now it is time for the next.  I leave you with a picture of the brand new patio with a 20 year old bench.... It's not beautiful, but it is great to sit on in the morning and drink hot lemon water.

Tools for the Journey

    Recently I was reading National Geographic (yes, published in April, but National Geographic none the less).  The article was about summitting K2.  While the article was great, it was one picture that really caught my eye.

From  http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2012/04/k2/brown-text

   If you can ignore the incredible mountain scenery, look a bit more closely at the two hikers backpacks.  Can you see how different they are?  Each has the gear that they need and part of the group gear.  I think this is the perfect description for how we can best approach each stage of life.  We are always doing our bit to take care of our family and friends, but we also need to pack the gear to take care of ourselves.

   Right now I am in a time of taking care of others.  The day has loads of phone calls and errands that were not here two weeks ago and (hopefully) will be gone soon, but in the mean time, I need to pack the gear to take care of myself.  To figure this out, I need to look at my history.

     In times like this, the first thing I do is stop taking remedies.  Since I have lived for 45 years among the chemicals and stresses of modern life, I am usually taking an herbal or vibropathic supplement for some condition (right now, it is 3 vibropathics).   Also, I check for best practices, some habits that will benefit my life for this season (like taking an epsom salt bath each night or using the Hanna Kroeger laser light on thyroid and thymus, check and check).  Once I leave these behind, the next thing I do is start to eat junk food (and by junk food I don't mean chips and beer, just food that is not good for me).  If I can keep to the remedies and good practices, then I am home free.  To reference the picture above,  I have brought my sleeping pad and ice pick instead of doritos and flip flops.

      How to break this pattern of decay?  I recommend a chart.  I have never outgrown a progress chart, though I can't find the great gold star stickers that my teachers used to put on their charts.

Here is mine for this week (I took the picture on my new table for my meditation corner.  I love the vibrant cloth cover and the ability to put the stones I want near at hand).  A few things to notice, it is important to be honest with yourself, rather than put an x in the box for something half done.  I figure 80%-90% compliance is just fine in stressful times.  Before I took to making charts, I was 0% compliant.  Also, something cool, in my last post I mentioned taking your temperature and drinking lemon water to alkalize the body.  Since I began two and a half weeks ago, my morning temperature has raised about a degree and a half.  It is not normal yet, but what a difference.  The funny thing is I thought I felt great before I began, now I'm learning great can get better.  It's like when the doctor asks you about pain levels.  You may think you are at a pain level of 10.  Break a bone. that feeling of bone grating on bone is a whole new experience.

    The difference between one good feeling and another is really summed up by this picture.  Here we are, out on a balcony on an Alaskan cruise, looking at the glaciers.  Both of us are engaged and interested, having a good time.  To quote my feeling above, "feeling great."  My son is in a t-shirt and jeans.  I have on his jacket, my jacket, gloves, a fleece, and a long sleeved t-shirt.  There is feeling great, and feeling great with lots of health.
     Keeping with my check list is the first step into my feeling great days.

The History of Medicine!

      I was researching my next post and found this!  Enjoy....

History of Medicine:

2000 B.C.   Eat this root

1000 B.C.   Roots are heathen. Say a prayer.

1850 A.D.  Prayer is superstition. Take this potion.

1900 A.D.  That potion is snake oil. Take this pill.

1940 A.D.  That pill is useless. Take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D.  That antibiotic is no longer effective. Eat this root.

Being Me...

   Being me.  Isn't that what we all want?  Just to be the most perfect expression of the person we were divinely created to be.  Somehow we keep getting caught in "trying to..." the attempt to be whatever we perceive society wants us to be.  Today, life showed me the way that I am caught up in this crazy mission to be the perfect person.

 From the Center's Website

    A group of friends and I went to the Center for Respite Care to help a friend stuff an invitation mailing for a large social event.  The Center is in a beautiful old mansion in Avondale.  Here we are, five white women from the suburbs, you can just imagine.  There was some nervousness about being in the area and sadness over the gentle decline of a once great house (the entire hallway was paneled in quarter sawn oak!)
    Last Friday, when I was asked to help, my friend who works there told me that 'this place changes everyone who comes in the door.'  I listened politely (and again when she said it today), but completely dismissed it from my mind.  How could that possibly apply to me?
    During our visit, we learned about the Center's mission (click on the link above to learn more, they do great work!). We toured the facility, then got down to work. Stuffing envelopes is very necessary, but very tedious. There were all kinds of interesting discussions from why Medicare does not fund the Center to local produce to mission trips.  It was a good way to do a very boring task.  As the afternoon wound down, I went to the restroom.

The Grand hall, from the Center's website (check out the banisters!)

     It was like the rest of the mansion, a hard working room with whispers of a beautiful past.  All of the wiring is in metal conduits on the surface of the wall.  The shower was full of bagged laundry.  Everything was well used, but well maintained.  The minute I opened the door, I felt at home. I love something used and loved far better than something brand new. Though I love beauty, when I create a quilt, I expect people to sit on it, let the baby use it, and wrap themselves tightly enough to pop the stitches. Being useful is so important to me.

Me, (oh, my!)

    This was such a revelation.  From pre-K through high school, I attended one of the most expensive schools in the city as a teachers kid.  This means that we did not have to pay nearly as much tuition as the other families.  Somewhere deep in my heart, a place I never look, I wanted to be one of my classmates. Those girls who could go shopping whenever they wanted and carry the very expensive purses that it seemed like everyone had.
    As an adult, I have never become that person (the shopping girl), but it turns out deep in my soul there is a 13 year old who wants to look just like all of the other kids.  I have always had friends in the country club communities.  They are living the life that 13 year old wants, but they've always liked me just the way I am.  From the intense student, to the loud laugh, to the interest in alternative healing, they never asked me to change.  It is time I loved that young girl enough so she doesn't need a purse to make her feel acceptable.
     The next miracle in a long line from the Center for Respite Care.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Is There Such a Thing as To Much? (or anatomy of a healing crisis)

   Last week, life was really getting me down.  I hesitate to say "for no good reason," because we can always find a reason to be upset.  Lets leave it at, I was more down than was reasonable.  I felt like my nephew did when someone stole one of his potato chips....

       All this sorrow seems a bit extreme for one potato chip, but it was how he felt... and last week I felt the same.
        Well, I learned something very interesting today. There is more than one kind of healing crisis.  In the past I have dealt with physical issues.  When the body is getting rid of something, it can be a bit spectacular but I'll spare you the gory details.  We'll get together over coffee sometime and swap war stories.
      I've always known you can move too fast when healing, but had never experienced something quite like this.  (Now the funny thing is, as I typed those words, I realized that they aren't true at all.  For me emotional discomfort is kind of like childbirth, I forget the worst parts so I'm willing to go through it again.  Who knew?)  I was just so sad, over everything.  I can't imagine how people deal with depression every day of their lives.
       The good part about a rough time caused by too much of good thing (energy work, herbs, vibropathics) is that all you need to do is back off a little bit and find a happy place to let your mind rest. I spent Sunday recovering, probably listened to my relaxation meditation enough to wear out the tape (thank goodness it is on YouTube). By Monday I was gently (but inexorably) cleaning house.  I remember my father in law comparing the women who helped him set up his new home in the retirement community to battleships called dreadnoughts.  I didn't get it at the time, but now I understand. They just keep cleaning and it restores order to the world.
        I guess the lesson here is all things in good time.  In my hurry to be "fixed" and be done with it, I couldn't see the beauty of the world around me. What a shame it would have been to miss this sunset!

Finger Tips 2: the Video

         Recently I've written a couple of blog posts about Jin Shin Jyutsu and have been using it in my yoga classes.  Here is a video with a simple explanation and a mnemonic to help you remember which finger is associated with each emotional state.

      

Make Light of It: Creating Affirmations to Take the Sting out of Stress

What is stressing you out today? Though we try to stop, there is always the next thing.  Somehow it seems that even when things are going well, a stone is in your gym shoe.

At any time, any event can cause you stress, or not.  I have watched people deal with cancer better than I do taking my child back to college.  Surely the life threatening disease is more important, but that is the funny thing about the mind.  Deep in the lizard brain, I’m going to save him from the cold cruel world of hardship….

For me, more often than not rationality does not rule.  This means it is time to talk to the lizard brain in a way it understands, feelings.  Creating an affirmation from your stressor is not hard, just hard to remember under stress.

To develop your affirmation, first you need to figure out what is really getting under your skin.    For example, rather than saying, my son going back to school is stressful, we want to look at the root cause.  Freshman year it was the thought that my baby was leaving, but this summer it is different.  I have been relying on him for clever thoughts, using the fresh college way of looking at the world to break out of my preconceptions.  So really, hard as it is to admit, I’m afraid I’m not clever enough to blog without him (ouch!)

On to the affirmation.  My important words were afraid and clever.  So my affirmations would be something like “I am confident” or “Thoughts flow to me easily” or “I am a successful and confident blogger.”  It may change from day to day as I grow and change or it can stay the same for weeks.  I spent 8 months on “I am willing to change.”

How to use the affirmation?  Put it on your mirror and read it to yourself, looking in your own eyes, 10 times each morning and evening.  Put it on your dashboard, read it as you wait at stop lights.  Use it as a bookmark in your current book.  Find a way to make it part of your life.

Here are the steps, print this out. Feel free to use the back of the paper if you need more space.

  

What causes your stress?	Turn your words around, make an affirmation
(after you are finished, underline the Important words)	(only positive words!)

Body Language

                Have you ever wondered what we did before the internet?   I was browsing the web today, looking for an affirmation to help a client.  I did find what we were looking for, but also, so much more.  On one of the pages a quote caught my eye:

“Realistically, when our body refuses to do what we want it to, metaphysically, it is not actually broken. It is doing its job. One of its functions is to carry messages from the higher energetic planes to us. It is then up to us to interpret these messages and take action.”

- Lawrence Michail  (click here for the entire article)

It is such a challenge when it feels like our bodies are rebelling.  The mind says "I could just do that run last week or I have this strange pain in my liver."  When this happens rather than complaining (or for me, after bemoaning my fate for a while), it is important to look for the cause.  For example, when I start dropping things, I’m worrying about my son in college.  Sending my energy away leaves less energy here to move properly through space.

Think about the sinking feeling in your stomach when you know you should not do something.  If the feeling is ignored, it grows. Sometimes it even grows to major physical manifestations.   We have such a hard time when it feels like our bodies are betraying us.  Really, all the body is doing is providing feedback.  I’m working on being grateful for the experience.  Let me know what you think, click on the pencil to leave a comment.