I've been teaching the 'Take the Sting out of Stress' class for six years. It is my most requested class. If I get a call from the library or the Y to teach, this is usually the class they choose. So, here I've been, teaching so many times, rewriting so many times, and I left out something of primary importance.... Why not take care of the easy stuff first?
It all came clear last weekend when I was rewriting my class to teach it at the library. I got a call from a friend. She's in the middle of lots of major life events, some good, some bad, all of them stressful. The problem was, none of them were things she could do anything about other than just keep working and hope it would all be over soon. But she was very distressed, so we needed to come up with something.
I asked her if I could get back with her in a few minutes. There were papers all over my office- different techniques, old classes, reference books, but none really applied to this situation. It took a few minutes, but the light bulb finally came on. If we couldn't change her stress, and the things I had already taught her weren't enough, we needed to dive deeper. I started thinking about the stress we ignore, the stuff that, like a bread basket at an Italian restaurant, just 'comes with.'
We come into the world little babies and immediately begin to fuss and wail. Why? What does the baby need to survive? How about once they start to sit up? Go to school? Go to work? There are so many underlying tensions that we just walk around and ignore because we have lived with them for so long, but I remember the crushing stress of my first day at the Naval Academy, things that I barely even noticed by two months into the school year.
So, I made a video, with definitely home-made illustrations, to demonstrate what I came up with. This one was fun. We follow stick-girl Sally as she is born and grows up, showing the stressors that accumulate as we move through the world. In the end, the stressors that she can change are food, love, work, and sleep. Though none of these habits are easy to change, a few small amendments to them can give the brain lots more energy to deal with the stress th`at she can't get away from.
Lest this begin to sound to preachy, I take my own advice. Last week I gave up the nightly glass of wine, often followed by a nightcap. It seemed like the thing to do, since there are lots of other areas I can't get rid of. Once I made the choice it was surprisingly easy to do. Thank goodness I have ten months to practice before the holidays come around. Pray for me.
If you have any comments, or suggestions for things I left out, please leave them in the comment section below.
"Can't you just man up, or to be a woman, and use your mind to get through things?"- Alex
This comment on my YouTube video made my day! There were so many answers, so many layers in the question that I couldn't just respond in the comments section.
It came in when I was working on Finger Tips 2, a questions answered video to respond to emails and comments from my Jin Shin Jyutsu video. The video was a bit boring; question, answer, question, answer. I couldn't make it work, but still felt like it needed to be the next video. Next week's video was infinitely more interesting and fun to make, but I couldn't let go of Finger Tips 2.
As I played around with his question, my first thought was yes, I can use my mind to get through things. I used it to tell myself to use Jin Shin Jyutsu, right? (Not proud of that response by the way. Turns out my inner voice is a bit sarcastic.) When I pondered it a bit more I realized that he got right to the heart of why I teach and make these videos.
Right now, I'm like a baby crawling around on the floor of life. Yes, I get around, but it's not very fast and my knees get really dirty. Using techniques like Jin Shin Jyutsu lets my inner baby pull up on the coffee table and see that there is so much more to be once I learn to walk. One day I will walk around the room freely and only use the coffee table to hold my coffee or teach other babies how to see life's possibilities.
The question also really helped me to clarify why I do what I do. My desire is to show others how beautiful and powerful they really are. This is where true healing occurs. This is when you become what you truly are.
As you heal yourself, you change the way you move in the world. Your kindness and gentleness rubs off on those around you. They, in turn, are changed.
This is our grand opportunity. I make videos and teach classes to help individuals with the sure knowledge that they will pass the relief and happiness on tho those they come in contact with.
When you control your thoughts and your mind, as Alex suggested, and live your truth, the world becomes a wonderful place to live.
I never thought about it much, but at the Naval Academy, if you were being inspected (or possibly, being in trouble) you stood at attention, just like my classmates on the left. If someone was talking or giving you information to remember, you were put at parade rest. To my teenager eyes, parade rest looked a lot like Wonder Woman and felt really silly. Really, stand with your feet spread, elbows wide, hands crossed at the small of your back. How unnatural is that?
Come to find out, the military knew what it was doing. Amy Cuddy and her fellow researchers discovered that standing in a powerful position, like Wonder Woman, actually changes your brain chemistry to make you more confident (original publication here). As little as two minutes can boost your testosterone, making you feel more confident and in charge. It also reduces your cortisol. This improves your ability to deal with stressors and decreases anxiety. When I went through my photos to create the video, it was actually hard to discard some. I had so many images of both high and low power poses. It is amazing what you can see once someone opens your eyes.
Her video changed my life in other profound ways. I am so aware of how I sit and stand now. Sometimes it is in that scolding way, you know, the inner voice that nags "stand up straight, shoulders back." More often, it is "look at how you are standing or sitting. That must mean you are uncomfortable here. Need to change that."
I'll give you an example. I have been taking voice lessons for about three years. I was so incredibly shy about singing in public that joining the choir had ruined my appreciation of the liturgy. Something needed to be done. About six months ago I was having a lesson in the practice spaces of a local music academy. This meant that everyone could overhear all my mistakes on this difficult peice. I felt wildly out of place. After singing the song for the final time, my teacher said "That is the best I have ever heard you sing." I immediately crossed my legs, crossed my arms and tucked my head down. Basically I got into the lowest power pose I could do without quivering in the corner. It made me realize how far I still have to go.
Think of body language as a great diagnostic and power posing as the miracle cure. Those admirals knew what they were doing. Who knew?
I couldn't believe my ears. The young man standing before me was a tutoring student. He is Japanese and about to go back to Japan to take the college entrance test. The family is spending lots of money and he was taking the test that would determine his future for the next six years and he was going to try.
Normally, I'd let it pass. I'm not his parent only his tutor. But his mother was standing in the room with us and was clearly worried about sending him out to do this important task. His posture did not inspire confidence. You could hear the implied "...and fail" in his statement.
So I treated him like one of my sons and called him on his language. Both he and his mother were bewildered. She even said "Maybe we don't understand what the English word try really means." Rather than explain with words, I pulled out a dining room chair and said "I'm trying to sit down." My behind slowly descended, but never reached the chair. Her face changed in an instant to glowing comprehension, then she began to scold her son. Moments of deep understanding are a precious thing. I felt privileged to witness.
Language is vital.
What we hear becomes what we believe becomes our actions in the world.
The brain hears what we say and makes it real. Does a batter approach the plate and try to hit the ball? Only if he wants to miss. He has a responsibility to the team and will follow through. I was made aware of the weakness of 'try' by Carolyn Nyland of Kaleidoscope Learning Center during a Brain Gym class.
As we learned how movement helps the brain work better, she caught us over and over using the word 'try.' By the end of the three day class, I was hyper aware of how weak our language use was. I resolved to make my life a 'try'-free zone.
The word try is short and sweet. It gets people off our backs. "I'll try to make it." Meaning you won't be there, and please stop asking me. "I'll try this math problem." Yeah, right. It reminds me of running the Turkey Trot about ten years ago. I ran for the last two miles about 20 feet behind a guy dressed in an enormous turkey costume. There were feathers that went from his low back to over his head.
The first thing I did when I went home was find someone to make me a vinyl wall art with Yoda's famous quote "Do or Do not there is no try." It is a great reminder to both myself and my clients that we believe what we say about ourselves.
When the word 'try' walks into your brain and attempts to rent a space, throw him out on his ear.
We had a beautiful sunset this Wednesday. I acutally followed it around town, trying to find the perfect spot. It started with a beautiful rosy glow over the library, then progress to the flame texture you see at left, then ended with beautiful streaks filling half the sky. It was so amazing, even the pictures I took facing east, just showing the reflected glory, were beautiful. This picture is my favorite. Check out the pink dove in the left corner made by cloud that dipped down and reflected the beauty.
January and February are usually the darkest months of the year here in Northern Kentucky. These are the months that I tend to teach classes like 'Taking the Sting out of Stress.' It's the time where everyone who can heads to the tropics for the sun or huddles indoors.
Inspired by the sunset, I decided to write a post about hope. The last two years have been quite a challenge. When my youngest went to school, it was full time, year round. The three weeks he spent at home this Christmas was the longest he'd been at home for two and a half years. My oldest son graduated from UK and went on (gasp!) to have a life of his own. And my husband started doing international traveling. How dare they have lives of their own! And all at the same time.
As my carefully constructed and nurtured family moved on, I found myself with a bit of time on my hand. Let's just say all the coping strategies I taught and used sporadically for the last ten years really came in handy. In some ways I became my own student and in others I just fell on Divine Providence. Sure enough with techniques that I knew and friends that I love, it all worked out.
So, inspired by the beautiful sunset and an uptake in viewership, I set out to make another YouTube video. Little did I know what I was in for. In the past few days, I received over a quarter of a million views on one of my videos. It is great, but also makes for an inbox I'd love to learn to keep up with (problem of sucess- one I've always prayed for). It was to be about acupressure for depression. Little did I know how much I'd need it in the making of the video.
It was so easy. I knew what I wanted to say. I made simple drawings in 53Paper to illustrate. What could go wrong, right? Pinnacle Pro app on this device and 20+ on my old iPad 2. What could go wrong?
I started the video three days ago. It took a few hours to work out the story line and pictures. Par for the course. I decided to use my new iPad Pro because, it's new, right? I had already made several videos with my
Yes, I know its a leading question, but way too much fun to say to just omit. The answer was, everything. I made the video. Twice. Then three times. Then four. But it just would not export to YouTube. After a day and a half more of working on (and failing at) Mr. Mohawk and his acupressure recommendations, I needed the treatment, not my viewing audience. I was ready to stab a knife right through Mr. Mohawk's third eye. I had to recreate the whole thing using a different app. I needed to find my peace in order to give up two days of work. So, I decided that each time I worked on a section of the video, as I listened to the voiceover or worked on a slide or went back, again, to the failed video to scavenge the body for bits I could use, I would use the acupressure points for a few minutes.
I couldn't believe how calm I was. I just remade the video. Now, in the interests of full disclosure, I was only calm when no one added any extra input. My husband is thanking his lucky stars that he still has his head, but I didn't break the iPad, my computer, or anyone I hold dear. This is their lucky day. Just think if I was working on a post about karate...
Here's the video. It saved my husband's life. I hope it helps yours.
I'll admit it, I was lost. In 2013, within a few months, my youngest son went off to college and I lost my office to a remodeling project. All the labels I applied to myself- mother, teacher, healer- didn't apply in the same way. It was so disorienting.
Finding my "why?" was simple
when my boys were young. Creating a family and raising future productive adults was easy to measure and very rewarding. Now that they are those productive adults it became harder to see the worth of my days. I could see it in the reflection of the boys lives, (as they were moving into new apartments and new jobs, they kept saying how they wished they had a wife to do the things that I do), but really, creating self worth from watering the plants and scooping the cat box was beyond me.
"We all live in chaos. It’s the natural state of things. Physicists call it entropy—everything is always changing and unraveling and ultimately turning into cosmic mush. That’s why your desk gets cluttered and your calendar gets filled. It’s physics.
Creativity is the act of shaping the mush of the world around us into something—of creating your own order. I’m not talking about going crazy and compulsive with a label maker and color-coded files. I’m talking about having a vision of what you want things to be like and moving toward it."
The Storyline planner shapes the mush of your life by letting you step outside and look at it as an observer. In yoga we call it vairagya, non-attachment. I can hear you saying, but how? We'll take a quick look at the left hand page of the planner...
You'll see there is room for three projects and a to- do list. Now these projects are the big ones in your life, the ones that take six months to a year. By filling this in for the past four months I discovered that many of the things I considered "my" projects were beyond my control. Remember that office I mentioned in the beginning? Clearly this is not withing my control. Air hammers are so not my thing.
My other big project is doing a handstand in the middle of the room. Headstands have always been easy for me, but handstanding seems to be the project of a lifetime. As I wrote this down each day it became clear that I wasn't really going for the handstand so much as I was looking for a feeling... the feeling of vigor, purity, focus, strength. Who wouldn't want that?
Here is my video with a bit more information about how to create your own order out of the cosmic mush using the storyline planner...
When everyone you greet says "long time no see" you know that you have not been keeping up with things. That is how I feel about my blog and YouTube channel. I have not been keeping up with my friends.
The long drought is ending because I found it! The never ending source of free willpower, Habit RPG. You may wonder, what is a 48 year old reiki master and yoga teacher doing with a role playing game (RPG)? Finding the fountain of youth, of course. Instant motivation and willpower galore.
drill instructor or Habit rpg, you decide
I have had so many life changes over the past year and a half, I was wondering if I needed to hire my own private drill instructor to whip my life into shape. While I was doing lots of good things or necessary things, it never really added up into something that I could see, taste, touch or measure. In the quest to find new purpose, I stumbled upon lifehacker Patrick Allen's How We Work post I love these posts. They are a great way to expose myself to the many different ways that people get work done.
When Patrick said "I really dig HabitRPG for tracking how awesome (or lame) I am" I knew I had to give it a try.
I started with a few habits, a few dailies, a few to-dos. You know, the things you should do, but don't. Floss, clean the cat box, exercise, meditate. Then it expanded. Monday, water the plants. Tuesday, vacuum high traffic areas in the house. Wednesday, polish shoes. It goes on...
I think I have become addicted to fake gold. I may need an intervention. It lets me buy healing diadems and armor for my 8 bit avatar. When I'm good for a while, the game drops eggs and hatching potions so I can collect all 90 pets.
Now I have challenged myself to a video and blog post a week, taking orders and sewing zafus (meditation cushions), cleaning the house top to bottom. It is great!
Though I posted on willpower back in 2012, I never realized how much the boring mundane life tasks used up my energy. With more willpower in my back pocket, life is really looking up. I think you should give it a try. If you have any questions or want to share your success, please leave a comment below. Not only do comments make my whole day, but if you put it as a task in Habit RPG, you can get gold for it!
, Danny Gregory put it perfectly:
