This act of observation is so important when you are gauging progress. Unlike building a house, baking a cake or making a quilt, self-improvement has few physical, quantifiable results. I do all this "work," sometimes don't feel any different when I finish, but then I start to notice how differently I feel or behave. My mentor calls it "gathering evidence."
I'll give you an example. One of my current "works in progress" is to be internally justified, to look only inward and upward for opinions. To put it bluntly, I cared way too much about what everyone else thought about me and let that care rule my actions. It was high time to take my life back. In a combination of a Brain Gym balance (with homeplay- a daily practice to reinforce the goal) and reiki, I have made great strides.
Here is where it gets curious. Recently I have been to several large gatherings of people I really enjoy and have known for some time. I found myself getting irritated with lots of people, not just one or two. Why was that? I like these people, right?
What I discovered after sitting with the question was, yes, I like these people. Before the work, rather than admitting they were human and did irritating things (which we all do), I had suppressed my feelings and made them perfect. I wanted to get along so much that I wasn't honest with myself.
This being internally justified requires generosity, allowing everyone to be there own crazy self, while staying true to my own crazy self. Being authentic allows others to be so as well. As Rumi said "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
No comments:
Post a Comment